That’s a Wrap!

So, here it is: the end of 2013. As is generally appropriate at this time of year, I have been doing some thinking and reflecting on the year that has passed and the one that is yet to unfold.

One of my efforts in this vein is to join Joy at I Can Say Mama for her year-end wrap link-up. Since things like this generally don’t need much further explanation, here is my 2013 wrap-up, courtesy of Joy’s questions.

Happy New Year!

1) Gained or lost weight?  Lost. Inadvertently, but I won’t complain. Perhaps that’s the answer…don’t try.

2) Predominant feeling in 2013? Frustrated.

3) Predominant feeling for 2014? Hopeful. At least that’s what I’m telling myself right now.

4) Something you did for the first time in 2013? I honestly don’t think I did anything new. The Fab Hub suggested go on an overnight trip without him, which is only technically true – Kidzilla and I did do an overnight without him. But several years ago I attended an overnight event without him. So I guess this would be the first time overnight with Kidzilla without the Fab Hub. That’s huge.

5) Something you did again in 2013 after a long pause? I can’t think of anything. Cut my hair shorter?

6) Something you unfortunately did not do in 2013? Read enough books. Take Kidzilla to the beach.

7) Word of the year? I think I have to go with the word “stop” for this. I think that is most definitely the word I said most often. For example:  “Cat One, stop licking yourself there.” or “Zilla stop ________.” (spinning, jumping, hollering, chasing the cat, etc.) or “Hon, stop snoring.”

8) City of the year? Right here at home.

9) Hair longer or shorter? Shorter.

10) More or less money spent?  Forcibly less.

11) Highest mobile phone bill? Honestly, I don’t know – the Hub is in charge of that department. I do remember a particular conversation in which he pointed out that the bill amount that month was unacceptably high due to some irresponsible Candy Crush booster purchases on my part.

12) Hospital stays? None.

13) (Fallen) in love? Over and over again with the Hub and Kidzilla.

14) Most called person? Has to be the Fab Hub.

15) Whom did you spend the most beautiful time with? Hub and Kidzilla.

16) What did you spend most of your time with? Hub and Kidzilla again. (Doing an update here…after looked at Joy’s post again and seeing several other people’s, I realized that Joy really did mean “what” and not “whom” on this one.) So…the WHAT that I spent most of time on in 2013 would be trying to figure it all out. Oh, look – that’s the tagline on my blog (sort of). I spent a lot of time trying to figure out what I should be doing with my life if not what I’m currently doing. I spent a lot of time trying to figure out why things like dealing with unemployment and career changes for the Fab Hub weren’t progressing into better for us and why I feel like no path lies before us. I spent a lot of time trying to figure out how to help Zilla adjust to Kindergarten and all the challenges that came along with it. I spent a lot of time assessing and analyzing the relationships in my life and how and why they have seemingly changed so much in the last year or so. I spent a lot of time reading about ADD/ADHD and how it affects all three of us and the life we live together. I spent a lot of time reading and learning about how we can help and advocate for our child in her school world. So I guess my blog title was chosen purposefully after all – I really am just still trying to figure it all out.

17) Song of the year? I’m so bad at favorites or top choices. I don’t think there is one, really.  I would have to think about this for a very long time to determine if there is one that I listened to most or one that defines the year most, etc. After two days of thinking, I came up with nothing.  If I had to choose one right now? (Update alert: Kidzilla let me know that I should have put the videos in here…so here you go.)

I could go with Billy Joel’s “Pressure” because we have certainly had our share of that this year.

In the last couple of weeks, I’ve also been liking Sara Bareilles’ “Brave” because I like the potential it suggests. I particularly like the second verse.

Oh, and as we were listening to the Sara Bareillis, Zilla reminded me how much we both loved Katy Perry’s “Roar” this year, so I’ve added it. This is the version done by the Children’s Hospital at Dartmouth (as opposed to the one where Ms. Perry is scantily-clad). You’ll love it. If you don’t smile and cry all at the same time, check yourself for a pulse. 🙂

18) Book of the year? Probably the one I’m still trying to finish. Third in an Arthurian trilogy – actually it’s focused on Guinevere – which I’ve kept pushing to the bottom of the pile since I was pregnant with Kidzilla. Perhaps I will finish it before the clock strikes twelve on New Year’s Eve…

19) TV show/movie of the year? Big Bang Theory – our new favorite. How did I not know this show was on for six years???

20) Insight of the year?  Hm. Tough. I’d like to be profound here, but I think my insights are probably much more simple and obvious. In many ways, in spite of all our challenges this year, I guess I continue to realize that my Grandfather was right – there is always someone in the world worse off than you are. Or at the very least, in a very similar-looking boat. Maybe I’d like to say my insight is that the good old “God doesn’t give you more than you can handle” one is true and that so far, we are handling what we’ve been dealt. But I don’t always think I handle things very well. Or let’s get a Steel Magnolias in here and say “That which does not kill us makes us stronger.” I’d love to say my insight is that as I look back over the year, it’s true that all of the challenges of the year have brought us to something much greater and much better than we had before. But that’s really not true yet.  Maybe my great insight has to be that we just aren’t finished with this phase of our lives yet.

21) Three things you totally could have done without? Unemployment and all its associated stresses.  Kidzilla’s speed bumps in the adjustment to Kindergarten process. The horrendous stomach virus post-Thanksgiving.

22) Most beautiful event?  I guess I would have to say my best moments of grace and gladness have been watching Kidzilla grow and discover more of the world around her and watching her handle her personal challenges with strength of character I didn’t think was possible in a five year old.  Although standing with the Fab Hub to renew our vows a few days ago was pretty awesome, too.

23) More short-sighted or more far-sighted than 2013? Are we talking literally? If so, neither.  My eyes are no better or worse than they were at my last eye exam, which is a good thing because one of my RA meds can negatively affect my eye health. If we mean figuratively, then I think the truth is that while I have huge hopes and dreams that would put me squarely in the far-sighted camp, I have let my short-sightedness get the best of me on too many occasions.

24) The most dangerous thing you did? I can’t think of a single thing. I guess I don’t live on the edge very well. The only thing I can come up with that would even remotely qualify as dangerous was to say out loud (mostly to myself) that I know my current career is not the best one for me in the long term and I know it’s time to think about pursuing other options. That was pretty scary, especially when met by negativity by others.

25) The most expensive thing you bought? Probably my stainless steel cookware. But it was on a wicked good sale, which makes it awesome.

26) The most delicious meal or food you ate? There is no way I could ever select one meal as most delicious. We have had a few pretty amazing meals both out and at home this year. Some were fancy or gourmet, if we want to use those words.  But sometimes a plain old juicy cheeseburger or a chili dog from the joint down the road tastes like the food of the gods, too.

27) The best party?  Is there such a thing? We are real homebodies so we really don’t do parties. I guess our best parties are our at-home ones with just the three of us or with closest family where we just hang out and be ourselves.

28) The most important thing you wanted to convince somebody of?  I think there are a couple I could include here, but speaking in sort of cryptic general terms, I think I most wanted to convince two different people that they are not the negative version of themselves that they have at times imagined.

29) The most beautiful present you gave to somebody?  I can’t even think how to answer this. Wouldn’t the recipients have to weigh in here? I guess letting the Rotten Cats stay here is a nice gift. Zilla was completely surprised by and completely loved her Christmas gift from us and seeing her delighted excitement was absolute joy for us.

30) The most beautiful present that somebody gave you?  Permission to be angry. Prayers and support. A shoulder and an ear. Love.

31) The most beautiful sentence someone said to you? “I love you so much, Mommy.”

32) The most beautiful sentence you said to someone?  Again, I think I’m the wrong party to provide the answer, but I’ll go with “I love you.”

33) How will you celebrate New Year’s Eve?  At home with Kidzilla and the Fab Hub. Games, movies, quiet time, sweatpants.

34) What will you have for dinner?  Not sure. Thinking a little spread of favorite appetizers or finger food would be fun.

35) What drinks will be in your glasses to clink? More than likely, water or Coke/Diet Coke for the grownups. For Zilla, milk or sparkling water with fruit juice.

36) Will you ignite any fireworks?  Definitely no. But we will most likely watch the legit ones from our back windows. After those are over and the neighborhood ruffians begin to set off their own, we will most likely sit here like crotchety old people and complain about how loud they are and that they are violating the neighborhood noise ordinance, that they will wake Kidzilla, that they might start a fire (that will be primarily me), and debate whether it has lasted too long past reasonable and someone should call the cops.

37) What are you going to wear? Comfy or glamorous?  Comfy. Always comfy.

38) Did you have any resolutions for 2013? And how about 2014?  No, I really didn’t in 2013. Not sure that I ever really do. For 2014, I can’t say I’m making any “resolutions,” per se. I do want to continue to work on the concept of Focus and refine that process for the year so I am choosing that again for my One Word 365. I think it is safe to say that will cover any areas that might otherwise fall under the category of “resolutions.”

39) What are your wishes for the new year?  For the Fab Hub to find a job in his new career. For all three of us to move forward and take steps toward the new life we may imagine for ourselves. To finally get the carpet ripped out and the hard surface flooring project done.

40) In one word: 2013 was… enough.

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