TToT – Letting Go
I’ve been missing from blogland a little lately. I can’t say it was anything intentional – more of a development as the last couple of weeks unfolded. It’s been a bit of a bumpy road lately and I really thought about bagging the TToT this weekend just to take a breath. But I’ve said all along that those are probably the weeks we need to do it more than any – at least that’s true for me.
As I thought back over the last couple of weeks – and this week in particular, I have found many moments of gladness among the rough spots. And in quite a few instances, there is the idea – or perhaps better the lesson – of letting go and moving on…
On the very simple end of the spectrum, my kid drank a smoothie. It had kale in it, as mine nearly always do. She liked it – a lot. She claims she hates kale, but guess what was in the smoothie? Yup. Kale. Not that I should worry whether she drinks smoothies – the kid eats fruits and vegetables like it’s her job. If she doesn’t happen to like one particular green thing, I’m far from worried. But it was fun to watch her enjoy it, telltale green color and all. At some point, I’ll let her know she loved a kale smoothie so she can let go of her conviction that she hates the stuff. If she learns to be open to new and different ideas – or smoothies or whatever – she will have a life skill that will serve her well in life.
It’s so easy to convince ourselves that we do or do not like something…that we do or do not possess a certain character trait…that we can or can not become something. It is much more difficult to let go of those pre-conceived and engrained notions by which we allow ourselves to define our Selves.
Somewhere along the way this week, I read an article – about what, I’m trying to remember. Grief, perhaps? Why things turn out the way they do? Whatever it was, there was a definite message of acceptance. Either in the article or in the comments, someone said that even though it’s hard along the way, often we reach a moment where we realize that the journey was part of the plan all along and things are perfect just the way they are, even though we never could have imagined that to be true from the start. I’ve had a few weeks lately during which I’ve been stuck in the loop of wondering why things aren’t different, why they didn’t turn out as originally planned. Recently, I’ve had more than a few opportunities to see this truth in my own life. Things are exactly as they should be…or they will be eventually.
It’s difficult, though, to remember that along the road and to be confident in the journey as part of the destination. It’s so much easier to cling to what I want than to let go and allow things to unfold as they should. The Hub and I just had a bit of a discussion about this – or maybe it was more like me rambling at him – and listed all the seemingly negative things that have turned out to have great benefits for all of us. And I’m going to go even farther and say that perhaps those things are even possibly the foundation for what may yet come our way and make it possible to embrace whatever our new lifestyle will be once a new position comes through for him.
We’ve been working a lot with Kidzilla on things like this. School and behavior have been a challenge in the last few weeks. Much of the difficulty comes from Zilla not being able to let go of whatever she is doing or thinking and move on to the next thing. Something like that is hard enough for reasonable adults to latch onto – how in the world do you teach a five year old? But we’re working on it and she’s getting it. This sort of thing is a lifelong process, though, and so I think the adults around her have to remember to let go of the idea that she’s going to comply instantly and accept that learning new habits and making change takes time.
Change is scary, though, for all of us. In order to change, we have to stop doing and thinking the same things we have been for so long. But a few times this week, I saw a pin go by on Pinterest that said “Nothing changes if nothing changes.” Well, yeah. Seems simple, but it’s not, really. If we remain in our comfort zone, if we continue on our familiar path, if we continue to do what we’ve always done, then how can we possibly expect anything to be different? And so we have to be brave enough to take the first step off the edge and then spread our wings and see where that flight takes us.
The Hub and I have always been late-nighters. We use the later hours of the evening to take care of things we want or need to. Before we know it, it is far into the wee hours of the morning and precious little time is left for sleep. We’ve always managed to convince ourselves that we can get by just fine on little sleep. But the truth is that we can’t – not at this point in life, anyway. And so we’ve let go of the idea that we’re people who stay up late and have started to embrace the idea that we just might be people who go to bed earlier, let a few chores or a few hours of entertainment go until the next day, and get a decent amount of rest. We’re sleeping more and better, we’re connecting more on a daily basis, and we’re handling the stuff of life with more calm than has been true in the past.
I’ve been working on letting go of my need to always control everything around me – and perhaps inside of me, too – whether it’s getting chores done or attempting to make the planets align just the way I want them to and in the time frame I desire. It’s working. I’ve also been working on letting go of some of the notions I’ve always held about the things I can do and the person I might become. I’ve allowed myself to hold me back by either believing people who say I can’t or simply convincing myself that I can’t. The thing I’ve been lacking is the belief that I don’t have to hold back on the things I want to do or the person I want to become.
I’m inspired a lot lately by the song “Let it Go” from the Disney movie Frozen. But always I am inspired by Thoreau, particularly his ideas in Walden. In the Conclusion to Walden, Thoreau offers his thoughts on his time at Walden and why he decides to move on from his period of solitude…
“I left the woods for as good a reason as I went there. Perhaps it seemed to me that I had several more lives to live, and could not spare any more time for that one. It is remarkable how easily and insensibly we fall into a particular route, and make a beaten track for ourselves…
I learned this, at least, by my experiment: that if one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams, and endeavors to live the life which he has imagined, he will meet with a success unexpected in common hours. He will put some things behind, will pass an invisible boundary…
If you have built castles in the air, your work need not be lost; that is where they should be. Now put the foundations under them.”
Thoreau’s words are beautifully wise. He retreats to Walden Pond because he realizes he needs to find solitude and space in which to re-discover the person he is…as well as the person he is yet to become. In the end, he is wise enough to realize that once he has gained all that he can from his time at Walden, it is indeed time to move on.
I am thankful this week for so many moments and messages that make it clear that this family is letting go of the various things we’ve been holding on to and moving on toward whatever is yet to come.
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In light of the path that life is taking lately, I’ve resigned my duties as a co-host of the Ten Things of Thankful hop. It is with a touch of sadness, surely, but it is the right choice for right now. The lovely Sarah will be taking my place.
I’ll continue to participate, though, and be part of this great community of bloggers. Link up your TToT list with any of the lovely (or, er, handsome) co-hosts by clicking the link to Lizzi’s place below.
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I know how difficult it is to let things go. Even though I can hardly ever let go of something, I try to teach the girls better as I know how much pain penned up anger and resentment can bring. I hope you manage to make the changes necessary for your family to improve your lives. Have a great weekend!
Mm-hmm – I just read your TToT list and I completely understand where you’re coming from on that one. Look at it this way – mistakes and bad experiences are only truly problematic if we fail to learn from them. At least that’s what I think about it. Have a great weekend, too!
Change is so tough but its really the only thing you can count on consistently is that things will keep changing…. and like the Einstein quote about insanity being doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results, you are finding the need to take risk and reach out no matter how uncomfortable is the only way to move forward… we will always adapt … you seem to be really trying so hard to live the life you want and want for your family… I love that! Its great that you are making that happen!
Well, I’m not quite sure I’m making anything happen just yet, but we’re taking the steps to get there. That Einstein quotes is another of my favorites – a great one!
I left a note on sarah’s post but I didnt know it was a def. We will miss ya in hostini land… even the virgins are thinking of giving it up…not the hop…IT! Y’know…virgins…. but we talked them out of it and said you would do a special farewell dance for them… hope you dont mind…
I shall dance with pleasure…especially since I saw on Clark’s blog that there are maleguard virgins??? And I fully intend to continue to make use of those guard virgins and the BoSR/SBoR!
This was a beautiful post. That paragraph about letting go of who we think we are or are not, etc. really hit home with me…and a “discussion” the Dude and I were having just tonight. I think you have made a good decision (not because I get to cohost) because you’ve put a lot of honest thought into it. Post when you have the inclination, and I’ll be here reading.
Thanks, Sarah. I’m often amazed at what comes out when I think I have absolutely nothing to say. I think in honor of your new position as co-host, I shall post a Brussels Sprouts recipe every week… 😀
Seriously, though, I think so much of becoming something is about letting go of what you’ve always believed, especially if it’s been holding you back or it’s something you’ve been doing simply because it’s comfortable or safe. I don’t know – I’m just thinking out loud, really. I do that.
Ahhh a beautiful post. And YAY! for your kale smoothie win 😀 That’s very cool. Now pick your moment 😉
I am intrigued and a bit inspired by watching you move from slightly grouchy grumpiness at How Things Are, to a place of acceptance, to a place where perhaps these things too, were On Purpose.
I wonder if I am mirroring that, or still getting stuck. I feel lighter, so there’s that…
Thank you for all you’ve done in your time as co-host. And who knows, down the road, you may be back 🙂
Also:
THIS!
“If you have built castles in the air, your work need not be lost; that is where they should be. Now put the foundations under them.”
Hmm…you just never can tell which people you are supposed to encounter and why, do you? I have to tell you, I thought of you immediately when I read that article this week and nearly forwarded it to you, but something told me not to – there was a different way to pass it on. I think all things are On Purpose – we just aren’t always willing or ready to realize or admit it. I get stuck like every other day, really…it’s a process. Feeling lighter? Well, that’s something, isn’t it? I’d go with that.
I really love doing the co-host thing, but as we talked about, ’tis not the right time for the particular combination of things. I am indeed happy to keep the door open for whatever comes down the road.
Isn’t that line the absolute BOMB! Thoreau is one of my literary and philosophical heroes – I just love him. That is arguably one of his best lines – at least as far as I’m concerned.
Lisa, while I am sorry to lose you as a fellow co-host, I completely understand and I think that the fact that you can prioritize this way says so much about your character. You are making the choices you need to make for your family and that is always the right thing to do.
This is a lovely post but there is one statement that hits me right in the heart and that is “And so we have to be brave enough to take the first step off the edge and then spread our wings and see where that flight takes us.”
Absolutely!
I am glad that I will still be seeing you here!
XX
Thanks, Sandy. I spent too many years trying to “do it all” and as I get older I realize that it’s not the way I want to live. I laughed at myself the other day – said to the Hub that I couldn’t believe the person I said I’d never be years ago is a lot closer to the person I am today. Funny how life works.
I’ll be here…thought about bagging it for a while, but I love it too much. I just may be a little more sparse in my words.
How brave of all of you to make a decision to let go of the past and move forward. This is obviously something which has been troubling you for weeks. Thoreau would be so proud of you!
And isn’t it fun to pull the wool over your kid’s eyes like that?
It is completely fun – because when she says “I don’t like kale,” I get to say “well, actually, you have been drinking it in your smoothies, you little Noodle.”
As for the letting go and moving forward…well, we’re still in the holding pattern for sure, but I think we’ve reached a definitive point of readiness, and that’s pretty big. Oh my gosh, we’re GROWING! 🙂
I’m inspired by you for recognizing your limits. I have not done a good job of that, nor of realizing that I need my sleep. My husband lets me sleep in on the weekends but it’s never enough if I’m up too late, because it’s still not enough sleep and I’m working on realizing that I still need x hours (some days, that’s 6. others, it’s 9.).
I’m way bummed you’ve let TToT go as a host but SO understand. The weekends are the worst time for me to post. But I haven’t been able to let it go because I realize how much I need to remember the thankful stuff. It’s hard though. Also here’s to your huge kale win.
Funnily enough, I’ve only recently started eating it, and I don’t really like it either (and smoothies repulse me – I know, weird, but I think it’s gross to ingest blended food and yeah, anyway), I’ve been eating it because I know I need to but it’s not exactly the most happy or nice texture leaf out there right? Zilla rocks for embracing it! And you do too for introducing her to it!!!
Recognizing limits and being able to say “no” or “not right now” is something I’ve never been good at, Kristi! Call me a slow learner, finally learning in my 40s. I realized I was feeling so much pressure to get the post up, get the rounds done, get the comments in that it was becoming not so happy an experience – and that’s now what we’re all about on the TToT hop. I will still post and still read – but I think without the official “duty” it will come from a better place. I didn’t want it to become a negative thing.
I love kale – absolutely love it! I probably eat it every day – which may or mmay not be a good thing – but it’s like my go-to lettuce. I like the curly kale best, not the dinosaur kind, to eat a salad. But in a smoothie? I’ll take whatever. Zilla is an adventurous eater – she just somehow got it in her head that she hates it when she never really gave it a chance. Granted, it’s not exactly a kid taste, but considering how much else she eats, it was odd. And that said, I need to whip up a smoothie now!
I recently read an article outlining all the bodily functions/repairs/balancing of hormones etc. that transpire during a decent night’s sleep. No wonder I feel so crummy when I deprive myself of proper rest. But there is always more that I want to do than I can do in the course of the day! I need to learn to be content with doing what I can accomplish better because I slept. Know I will be cheering you on in this endeavor.
I have only really read excepts of Thoreau, but what you shared here has put him on my Christmas list for sure!
Academically, it’s easy to list the benefits of sleep. But, like you said, when there is more to do in a day than the hours in a day, it’s a frustrating struggle. I have never done well with leaving things at “good enough” for the day – somehow I always feel pressed to get it all in. But at what cost? And I find it so much easier to deal with life’s challenges when I have had enough sleep. Hard habit to break when I’ve been doing this since…I don’t know…college??
Thoreau is wonderful. I know that you will absolutely love him – but Christmas is such a long way off! If I had a second copy I’d send you one, but I just have my well-loved, well-marked and dog-eared copy that is my constant friend.
Finding the balance in life can be difficult. We’ll miss you as a co-host, but good for you for doing what is best for you and your family.
And I will miss being a co-host, Kristi! Just have to do some shifting and re-adjusting of time and priority to keep things on an even keel.
ok, clearly this is the kale talking… give it a minute, you may find that giving up your position as a hostinae is…
(kidding, ya know)
I agree with all above in terms of the wisdom of recognizing limitations, at least those limitations that begin to cost more than they are worth (sleep-sacrificing for the gain of more hours awake), but believing as I do, in life/the world offering near-limitless potential, I would cheer you on in your efforts to see what improvements are available for you and the family unit.
hey! you know, there is still the Friday Night vidchats… (the cool thing about them is that being the new thing that it is, there are no requirements or rules to attendance. Stop by to say hello…hangout for the whole thing… which ever fits your schedule on that particular evening!)
You know, I just said to Dyanne last night that she has to get me invited to one of those things. I think once school is over and we hit summer break it would be grand fun!
Sometimes, we just have to take a step back….and just see where life takes us. Sad to see you leaving…but you’ll be back, in one way or other, with a vengeance!
I’ll still be joining in and posting – just have to step back from the hosting duties. Just too many things on the plate at the moment so something’s gotta’ give.
Wow. I really needed to hear this. My life will be going through some changes soon. It’s downright scary so I needed to hear your words as well as Thoreau’s. I also need to know what my limits are as well. I look forward to more of your posts! I really like your blog.
Wow, is right! Here I am thinking I’m just kind of rambling to get some thoughts out of my head and it turns out to be good for me as well as someone else! Change is scary as hell – which is why it’s so easy not to do it. But sometimes we’re kind of forced into change and so we kind of have to muster our strength and go for it.
Glad you like the blog – ditto here! Looking forward to more visits back and forth!
It is inpirirational to know who you are and what you can and cannot do. I relearn this every day! Thanks for a great post, and thank you as well for a lot of things!
jean xoxox
Well, learning and re-learning is all part of life, right? Keeps us growing! Glad you enjoyed the post – not sure what the other things are, but you are welcome. 😉
Moving forward can be scary but eventually feels so good. Keep positive!
Definitely scary, Kate! But I remember reading something about always doing the thing that scares you or doing one thing that scares you every day – the message is clear, though, even when it’s scary, do it. If it scares you, it might just be good for your character. So we press on.
I keep saying I have to let things go, but the more I say it, the more tenacious I become. Why is this? Maybe the truth lays in the fact that we can’t do it all and be everything to everyone.
Knowing and acknowledging your limits is a good place to start. Cheers to learning to let go.
I think you’re exactly right – we can’t do it all and be everything. At least not without sacrificing a large portion of ourselves, which doesn’t benefit anyone in the long run. A few years ago, I’d have looked at all of this as a big fat fail. Not feeling like that right now. In fact, it feels like a huge win – for me and for all three of us.
What a meaningful post. I think we must be a lot alike. I have to work on the control thing every once in awhile. And sleep- oh my. We do the same thing until we wake up one week and are totally sleep deprived. Then we work hard to change that. Thanks for an insightful blog post…
Thanks, to you, too! I think it’s a very good thing to take stock and see what areas need some adjustment in our lives. Shows growth!
That’s really deep. I love the points you made about how easy it is to convince ourselves we don’t like something. You’re right that it can be difficult to get rid of per-conceived notions about who we are and our own traits. I wonder why that is exactly. Maybe it’s human nature to stay where you are rather than reach for something else?
Maybe we should all be taking a cue from the song “Let it Go”. Sometimes it’s good to let go of what we think we are and start thinking about who we can be. I guess that’s the essence of change.
I really think we can talk ourselves into – or out of – just about anything we want. I really believe that the human mind has great power and it’s up to us if we’re going to decide to use it for or against ourselves. Belief in pre-conceived notions and our inability to move beyond them is difficult. It’s easier to stick with the status quo than to move toward change. Change is scary as hell – it’s unfamiliar, it’s difficult, and it’s not a guarantee. Why not pick the comfortable option? So perhaps you’re right – maybe it’s human nature. Let’s go back to Thoreau – even he admitted that his experiment in non-conformity and solitude provided opportunity to wear a path in the grass that became all too familiar. The difference is most people would remain satisfied with that and keep on doing the same thing over and over again. Thoreau was bold enough to recognize that it was time to move on.
Either that or he had commitment issues. That would be a whole other conversation. 🙂
But yes, I think I love this song so much right now because it just kind of tosses out that idea that it’s really only our fear that limits us – exactly what limited Elsa in the film.
Life is just so hard, sometimes. I find that I analyze, analyze, analyze my life so much. Why is this happening? What does this mean? How can I change this? It would just be so much easier to blindly accept what is, but I can’t. I wish you all the goodness in the world, my friend 🙂
I always say – life’s tough; get a helmet! I, too, analyze things to death. I think it drives my Husband insane!
A beautiful post. Truly well written. Letting go, relinquishing control can be hard, very hard, but sometimes necessary.
And I can’t believe I still haven’t seen that movie…
Thank you, Tinne. Yes, indeed – sometimes necessary. Kind of hard to move forward if you can’t let go of the past.
It really is terrific – we actually bought it because we all loved it so much!
What a thoughtful, well-written post. I can sense your struggle yet you are inspiring me to keep on focusing on what’s important and to let the things go that are holding me back. Specifically I need to stop doing this: “It’s so easy to convince ourselves that we do or do not like something…that we do or do not possess a certain character trait…that we can or can not become something. It is much more difficult to let go of those pre-conceived and engrained notions by which we allow ourselves to define our Selves.”
Thank you!
Thank you, Andrea. I am so glad to be reminded, first of all, that other people struggle with the same things that I do. And I am very glad to know that my words have somehow helped or inspired someone else. 🙂