How Are You Coping?

How are you coping with all of this?

That has been the ready question on everyone’s lips for the last several months. It’s become the new small talk – sort of like “Where are you from” or “What do you do?”

How are you coping?

The question was asked so many times by so many people in so many contexts, that it became the only thing I could hear. And the only thing I could think to answer when it came up was, “I’m not.”

It’s true. I had a similar experience many years ago after my father died. People said a lot of things to express their condolences, but the one that stuck out in my mind was, “I’m so sorry you lost your father.” And the first thing that popped into my head every single time was, “I didn’t lose him. I know precisely where he is.”

So, you see, my “I’m not coping” response is sort of on par for me.

But what I suppose I have to add here is that the inside-my-head version of my coping reply was – and still is – “I’m not coping. I’m just being.”

This whole pandemic scenario came on hard and fast. I don’t have to list all the things that changed. You know what happened. It happened in your part of the world, too. Life changed in a lot of ways for a lot of people. But my truth is that life here really did not change much. We had to make some minor adjustments and then we just got back to business in a new way. Don’t get me wrong – we all do feel the change and we do feel stress and worry about all of this. But it is not as drastic or traumatic as it has been for others out there. I have had many moments when I feel completely grateful but also completely guilty about that. (That’s a whole other discussion.) But mostly, we’re keeping on.

So no, I do not have a sourdough starting in the back of the fridge or on the windowsill or wherever it is you’re supposed to do that. I have not cleaned out my closets. I have not super-cleaned the house. I have not put a dent in my “to be read” or “to be watched” lists. I have not learned a new language or developed any other new skill, despite all the social media memes that suggest I’m somehow doing it wrong if I emerge from pandemic lockdown without these tasks to my credit.

Pfft. Whatever.

What I have been doing is learning more about myself. I mean what else is there to do when you’re confined to quarters? Seriously, though, this experience has indeed caused me to turn inward and consider who I am right now and who I want to become. I’ve thought a lot about what is important to me and what is not. What do/don’t I spend time on and are those good choices? I’ve spent a lot of time thinking (and worrying) about what happens when we all emerge from this lockdown phase. And so on and so on.

The long and short of it is, I don’t see any of this as coping so much as being. As living. Because this, right now? This is life. No matter what it looks like and no matter how good or bad it happens to be for any of us, it’s still the life that is – at least for the foreseeable future. And just like we can’t put off our goals until the time is right, none of us can put off living until this gets better or until there’s a vaccine or whatever you want to fill in that blank. I realize that may seem easy to say for someone whose world has not been significantly altered. But I also realize that the scenario can change in a split second, as we all know all too well.

So my advice to anyone who asks and (still) my answer to anyone who wants to know? Don’t cope. Live. Spend time with yourself. Acknowledge your fears, your anxieties, your struggles, your blessings. Decide what to keep and what to toss if that feels like something you have the mental space to think about. Or…just be. Rest or sleep or eat or binge TV if that’s what you have mental space for.

There’s no right or wrong way to do this. Take things one day at a time. Just live.

~~~~~

(Note: The text of this post also ran as a guest feature on my dear friend Zoe’s blog, Carrot. You can visit her at https://motivationalmobilization.wordpress.com.)

Featured image by PublicDomainArchive from Pixabay