When Life Gets in the Way – A Preamble
Two years ago, my Husband and I halfheartedly talked about considering a new start. Perhaps one or both of us were ready to think about looking for something new, something that would allow us to stretch and to grow.
We very tentatively started to broach the subject of what we might like to do, where we would look, and what the realistic possibilities were for either or both of us to move on to something new. I don’t know that either one of us was really ready, really serious. But we had a few hesitant and hypothetical conversations.
Just a few short weeks later, the decision was made for us. My Husband’s job was eliminated. There was no suspicion. No warning. No notice. And in an instant, everything changed.
Since then, we have had no choice but to make a new start, but not in any way close to what we might have imagined and most assuredly not on our terms. We have spent some of that time grieving – both of us – in very real ways. We have wondered what we would do next. We have made decisions out of necessity. We have done what it was not our choice to do. We have worried. We have hoped. We have cried. And we have prayed.
In more recent months, we began to seriously talk about making a new start. Those halfhearted and hypothetical conversations of two years ago have become more tangible, more earnest, and perhaps even more necessary. But now we are deciding to take control. We are going to make the choices and we are going to do this our way.
We thought we might have had some plans, but then life got in the way. In retrospect, I think we only had the idea of some plans, not any real goals. I do not think we had the motivation or the actual intention to pursue those hypothetical dreams with any real commitment. I do not think we were ready.
But sometimes life throws us that curve ball and gets in the way of what we think we want. And perhaps in the end it is all for the best. Perhaps it takes a sudden and dramatic turn of events to shake us up and put us on the right track. Two years ago, I might have said that life forced us into postponing our plans and dreams. Today, I would say that we didn’t actually have any plans or dreams at that point. We only had dissatisfaction and restlessness. Today I would say that life set us on a walkabout that seemed like a postponement, a derailment, but was more likely the very thing that helped us find our true North.
We’re not there yet. We have not reached our destination. But we are on our way.
To be continued…
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Ah. The inbetween times…. I hope it doesn’t last long. And I hope that wherever you end up, it will be exactly where you wanted to be. Good luck!
Thanks, Janice. We are hoping all those same things.
So often, those curveballs really are the best things to happen. They force you to make choices and decisions instead of just letting time march on, never changing and never leading the life you are really meant to live.
I can’t wait to see the changes and decisions you are making.
That’s pretty much how I feel about it, Christine. I think maybe what seems to be a pretty big negative (OK, because losing a job IS…) may just well be the push off the edge that we needed. I can’t wait to see how it turns out, either!
Will look forward to see where the path leads you…
Thanks! We are excited to see that, too!
I can speak first hand to the curveballs that SEEM to ‘derail’ but land us right where we are suppose to be – to learn, grow, be blessed, meet the right person, be a blessing to somebody in particular, to be content where ever we are because we’re still there whether we’re content or not. I hope you enjoy the journey – the adventure – of it!
On another note, I saw a picture this morning that made me think of you called “Cat Gym” – and, yes, it involved toilet paper! I’ll try to send it.
I think seem is exactly the right word, Shel. It seems like a train wreck, but really it’s just a track shift. I’ve experienced these things more times than I can tell you – one such scenario ended up putting my Husband and me in the right place and right time to be right for meeting one another. It happens. So I’m looking at it that way. I’d kind of like the trip to be over already – to be on to the next thing. But like you said, the journey is an adventure and this has surely been a positive one so far.
I’ll look for the Cat Gym thing. If it involves toilet paper and cats, it can only be disastrous or hysterical. Or both!
I hear others making statements like this, and I just don’t know in our case. I can’t be thankful for the difficulties we had, and I really don’t know if we’re better off. I’m glad you can see it as a positive, though. I hope it continues to be.
I think only the person in the situation can make that decision, Sarah. And I definitely don’t think it happens until much later, down the road. I would never have said these words two years ago. I couldn’t have. We were too devastated, too broken. It’s only recently that I have made a shift to this perspective. If someone had said to me at the time that this would be perhaps a good thing for all of us, I would have had to work hard not to slap them. It’s been a difficult road and it’s not over yet. All I can say is how I’ve been feeling and go with it. The way our family relationships have changed and improved, the way we’ve taken control of more areas of our life, the way our marriage has blossomed…despite the hardship with which those things began, I wouldn’t change them. I do hope things continue on what seems to be a good path…
Thinking about you and your family, Lisa. I know that in my life, so often the things that I think are awful and horrible end up making sense a few years later (or else I just get over them or something). I had a job I loved and the company was bought. Instead of deciding to wait and see what happened, I took another job – and it was one I ended up hating. I spent a lot of days crying over my old job and wondering why I was so dumb to leave. But then I got pregnant (when I was 40) and I quit the sucky job with a nice bonus after the CEO was horrible to me about being pregnant and was able to stay home with my son for a couple of years. Now, I know that if I’d have still had the first, loved job, that I’d have put Tucker in daycare and tried to cut back, and it would have ultimately not worked with all of his “stuff.” I hope these new curve balls end up amazing you and giving you and your family exactly what you want, need, hope for, and dream of.
Thanks, Kristi. I do think that sometimes the clarity and perspective comes later with time and distance. It’s hard to see the meaning sometimes when you’re in the thick of the emotional struggle. My Grandfather used to say “everything happens for a reason.” I believe it does.
That conversation two years ago was a sign that you were ready for something new; the job loss is Fate’s way of saying “Get on with it!”. I wish you both all the best on this new path 🙂
That’s kind of what I think! We’re excited…would like to see a bit more clearly to the end of the path, but it does feel positive right now.
Things may not come according to what we want. It’s good that you are taking your time to be positive at all time. I feel for what you have said that “We’re not there yet. We have not reached our destination. But we are on our way.”
Don’t give up. Don’t lose the faith.
Thanks, Ken. That is indeed the hard part, the challenge – to try to find the positive and keep it in sight. We’re hanging on!
I am constantly fearful that me or my husband could lose work and put us in a really uncomfortable situation. Nobody wants to be forced into that life change before we’re ready, but these things have a way of coming together in the end!
We are very much hoping and praying that this all comes together well. It’s been a long stretch…
I love this perspective–I guess because it is absolutely what life has taught me to be true. I think sometimes God stirs the pot a little when we are reluctant to give up the secure on our own. Though this has not been the path you might have volunteered for, there has been gain. As a couple you have teamed to weather the difficult times. And in terms of parenting–what a blessing for Zilla to have the added presence of her patient, loving father during the day time hours. As you come out the other side, may it be at a better place for all three of you.
Thank you, May. That is our sincere hope – that on the other side (where oh where IS the other side already???) we will all be better for this. I believe it is what will be true. And you are so right that there have been blessings in this for us – the biggest one, perhaps being the Hub on Zilla duty. That’s huge.