An Easier Life – #10Thankful
Life is hard.
My daughter tells me of things she thinks are hard: Homework, carrying a heavy school bag, and waking up early for school are hard. Sometimes math is hard or getting along with other kids. She’s right; those things are hard. We talk about why they are hard and how to make them more bearable or easier to do. And I always tell her the same thing in the course of the discussion: “Life is hard.”
Because it is. And I don’t think it’s wrong or discouraging to be honest with our children – or ourselves – and acknowledge that fact. Life is hard for every one of us in myriad ways, and it just makes sense to be prepared for that fact, because I sincerely doubt that we are meant to sail through life unscathed.
In his General History of Virginia, Captain John Smith writes that “everything of worth is found full of difficulties…” and life itself is no different. We will all struggle with something at some point in life. We will all need help to solve our problems or to simply get through the day, just as those early settlers did.
I wonder, though, if the challenges and difficulties we find along the way are what give life its substance and meaning. Is there truly anything in life that we find “easy” that doesn’t also contain some struggle or pain? Do those struggles help to define and enhance the victories we experience? Think of anything you love, anything you do and ask yourself if it is truly something that comes easily, without effort, without any setback or imperfection.
I’m willing to bet you can’t name one thing. I know I can’t.
There are dinners that have been burnt, drafts of stories crumbled into the trash can, relationships ended, unplanned career changes, and so much more. Disappointment, struggle, and failure may all be simply part of the process of living, learning, and becoming who we are. We’re all operating without a handbook, doing out best to figure out this thing called life as we go along, but maybe that’s the beauty of it.
[tweetthis]“Let no difficulties alter your noble intentions.”[/tweetthis]
Somewhere in the preface material to his History, Smith also says, “Let no difficulties alter your noble intentions.” Maybe we’re meant to experience a balance of easy and hard, good and bad. Maybe we need to face problems and challenges so that we can learn how to solve them and pass on the knowledge we gain to others. Giving up when life gets hard won’t make things better, so maybe those hard times are ultimately the best path toward becoming more than we are today.
Just over two years ago, I left my full time job to work for myself, to be at home to raise our daughter and do the things I had dreamed of doing for so long. I left a known quantity for something definitively unknown and uncharted, much like Smith and his fellow colonists. It was terrifying. Some days it still is. I left behind circumstances that were indeed difficult and frustrating, but this new life I’ve carved out for myself isn’t “easy” either – not by a long shot. In fact, it’s pretty tough and full of a whole new set of challenges and frustrations.
I worry about finding work and bringing in enough money. I worry that I will never publish the words I’ve been working on privately; and I worry that I will. Many mornings it is a challenge to get all of us organized and out the door and to our respective responsibilities on time. It is nearly impossible to accomplish everything on my to-do list(s), and I still struggle daily with how to strike the correct balance between work and family life, especially now that I work from home.
But what makes this life easier, or perhaps better than the version of life I lived before, is that I am living the life I was meant to live. I am being true to myself, embracing what I know is right for me and for my family, despite the difficulties along the way. There were difficulties before, so what’s the difference, really?
The difference lies in the fact that it is much easier to be who I was meant to be, rather than fitting into some imposed idea of who I should be – for whatever reason. I am ever thankful for the nudges the universe provided, telling me it was time to go, and for the people who encourage and stand by me each step of the way.
And so I’ll stay my course. Because even when life is hard, my intentions for myself and for my family are indeed noble; in fact, I would say they are necessary in order to create a life of true happiness and fulfillment. The early Virginia settlers had to leave much behind in order to find what they believed would be a better life. Perhaps sometimes we do, too.
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This week’s Ten Things of Thankful post is doubling as a Finish the Sentence Friday post. This week’s sentence was “My life is so much easier due to…”
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Life is hard. I remember a quote from my favorite movie A League Of Their Own. “It’s the hard that makes it great. If it wasn’t hard, everyone would do it.” Tom Hanks was talking about baseball but the quote stands. Keeping balance and perspective is so important and I think you’ve got it!
I remember that! Great movie, too!
Here’s to living the life you were supposed to live. That’s big-huge important, no matter what our brains or our lives or the Other People tell us. Also I know what you mean about Zilla, and that and adjusting and helping and understanding… Here’s to a life of understanding and fulfillment. SO SO SO glad you linked up.
Yes, here’s to that! I don’t think I ever allowed myself to believe that it was actually true, or that the idea of actually stepping onto the path toward a dream was for me, you know? I think some part of me always said, “No, that’s for other people who can _____ or who have _____.” I think differently now and I’m really glad. And I know you know how the kid thing goes and that is a huge thing – having found (via this new life, really) so many people who get it and are there to swap stories, answer questions, share notes is huge, too. I don’t know what I’m doing – do any of us, really? But I know that I learn something new every day and I hope that I take what I learn and put it to use the next day.
I’m so glad to be linking up here again (and even more glad when I can sortakinda make it fit my TToT as well) because it’s helping me jump off in new directions with my writing. So yay. xoxo
Absolutely stay the course! Hard isn’t always bad as you know.
I had pretty much written John Smith off as a scoundrel, but I really like the wisdom shown in these quotes. Maybe I should give him a second chance.
Oh I agree that he was a scoundrel and a braggart for sure. And much of his history was pretty clearly written to convince his sponsors that they hadn’t wasted their money. But even so, the wisdom is good.
Staying the course, definitely.
perspective is such a deceptively simply concept and, unfortunately seems to most frequently available only upon acquiring experience (aka ‘after the fact’).
excellent post to remind us that our perspective is the thing that makes the easy things hard and the hard things simple.
I get from your post the very true advice that it is not only the ‘direct lessons’ we gain in working hard at the things we want and value in life. The fact of the power of perspective is the added plus… perhaps the thing that turns ‘understanding’ into ‘wisdom’.
p.s. none of the online dictionaries were of any particular use* except for the reference to ‘from the Latin root ‘to see through”
*when luck favors, the definition of a word often makes whatever point one might be trying to make, better than one might…. if one were so inclined.
Isn’t that so true of many things, Clark? Much easier to make sense of things in the aftermath. The challenge is trying to find it as things unfold and, if we can’t, then at the very least maybe we can at least know that eventually it will become clear. Maybe your Latin root is exactly it – perspective allows us “to see through” the challenges right in front of us to a place on the other side where things make more sense.
Exactly what I needed to read this week. Yes, life is hard. But so much harder it becomes when you’re not doing what you were meant to do, what you’ve always wanted to do.
So true, Jennifer. I can attest to that. Glad these words found you!
Great post. I believe my many struggles have made me better, more compassionate and stronger. I could have done without them but maybe it was part of the Universe’s plan. I tried being something other than true and many people got hurt and that taught me the greatest lesson.
Thanks for sharing this, Heidi – I love your point about how people can get hurt when we are other than true to ourselves. That’s a powerful reminder. And yes, I can think of many things in life I could’ve passed on, but I certainly wonder how life would be today, how I would be today, if that had indeed been an option. All things have purpose.
Yes, I agree. And it’s all a lesson we’re challenged to learn. That’s how I see it.
I often think the lessons we most need to learn, Carol, are the ones we are most stubborn about. 🙂
Beautiful post. 🙂 With much meaning and encouragement. Loved it.
Thank you, Sarina. <3
I worry that I waited too long and my voice is no longer relevant or interesting. Nice reminder that it’s better to be true to yourself and “it will be easy” was never part of the deal. 🙂
You know, Renee, I often find myself worrying about those very things and some days that gets the better of me. On good days, I am able to remind myself that later is better than never. On really good days, I can say that the time would not have been right until now – and I truly believe that about many things in my life.
Wonderful post. I appreciate your honesty and affirmation to live the life you’re meant to live, not the one you “should” live. And no, it’s not always easy. But it’s so much more rewarding in ways that really matter.
Thank you, Roxanne. I am finding the rewards greater than I ever imagined.
Excellent post as always. I have felt, still feel and have been in the same shoes. Sometimes I wish to see everything fall perfectly in place. But that wish is made for moments. I rather have a perfect moment than a perfect life. Can you imagine how boring it would be if our lives were predicatable?Then we wouldn’t have stories to tell. Hard is torelable and more easily appreciated when what you are doing is what you’re meant to be doing.
You’re so right, Kenya – it’s the unexpected that makes it all so grand. And I absolutely agree with you about a perfect moment rather than a perfect life. (And believe me, our life is far from perfect! Crazy day here.) Reminds me of the movie Steel Magnolias – Shelby gets pregnant despite the great risks and tells her mother, “I would rather have thirty minutes of wonderful than a lifetime of nothing special.” Exactly! So here’s to having stories to tell!
My daughter also thinks math is sometimes hard. Same with heavy backpacks! For me, waking up early is hard.
I agree so much about living the life you’re meant to live – and being true to yourself – as ways to make life easier. SO MUCH yes.
Yes, me too with the math! 😀 For me, managing my own ADHD plus my daughter’s is so hard. Many days I feel like I’m just not doing it – today’s one of them. I was just talking with my husband, though, and he pointed out that if this were a different life than the way we’re living, things would be so much more chaotic, our daughter would have made much less progress than she has. He’s right, I know. Still hard to see that in the midst of the rough days, though. Going to read my own words, I think, re-center a bit, and go to sleep.
OH Lisa… I love this so so much. Yes oh yes- even when we are living a life of sweet fulfillment, it IS HARD. I’m just so glad you made that choice and I LOVE that you are doing what you were meant to do! You said it beautifully, my friend. <3
Me, too, Chris. Me, too. The hard is all part of it.
I think you are to be commended for teaching Zilla that life is not easy and never will be. Too many kids are growing up to think life should be a hand-out and an easy ride. I see life as being a challenge, finding ways to make the best possible choices and then dealing with what comes along. There will always be surprises and upsets, but that makes us stronger and ready to appreciate and deal with whatever comes next. Life is hard, and scary at times, but really good too, and we can and do survive. That is the real lesson, that we don’t let what happens in the moment defeat us. Great post, Lisa!!
Thanks, Josie. And you’re right about people expecting life to be handed to them. I see it far too often and it makes me sad, really. How can you grow when you never have to fight for anything? Meet and surpass a challenge? Work past a difficulty?
I can not imagine how it was for early settlers, when I think my own life is hard, but it is sometimes. I didn’t write my own post for this one, describing all the things that are hard for me, but I love this one you’ve written.
All those things Zilla thought of as hard are hard indeed, as I remember most from my childhood, that feeling of wanting to stay in bed and not wake up for school. Then there’s math and socializing. Both hard.
Now I think mostly of learning to play the violin. Recently I’ve wanted to throw in the towel, but I didn’t go into this expecting an easy road, so I am not going to quit just because it is harder than I ever could have imagined, but so right at the same time.
I am so so glad you are now living your dream, how you are intentionally living, meant to be for you. Keep it up. I bet your family are all extremely proud of you.
My Grandfather used to say, “There is always someone worse off than you are.” I suppose he was right. It does not at all mean that our sufferings or challenges should be minimized – not at all. But it helps me a lot when I’m feeling lousy about something and I realize that while this is bad, it’s still better than so many have it. And maybe that just means I’m very blessed, but that’s OK. I think his point was probably that we should remember not to get too caught up in our own bad times and always remember to think of others as well.
You are rocking the violin – definitely don’t quit! I often think that what challenges us most is what we end up valuing most.