Not Your Day to Win
This post has been a long time coming.
Mostly, I guess, because every time I sit and write some or think about the words that inspired it, I end up with really conflicted feelings about it – one day the whole thing spins very positive and another day it spins off in the absolute opposite direction.
Several weeks ago, I read Chris Carter’s three-part series titled “How God Works” over at her blog, The Mom Café. It’s really a lovely piece. I highly recommend clicking over and reading it in its entirety. If you want to do it now, please go…I’ll wait. It’s worth it, I promise. Then come back here and read on.
But I do want to try to paraphrase and excerpt Chris’ words here as well. I don’t know that I will really do them justice – the particular ones that touched me were just so right and had such a powerful impact on me.
Chris’ daughter, Cassidy, was swimming and moments from finishing in third place, earning a medal. But for whatever reason, she stopped swimming, perhaps thinking she had finished when in fact she still had laps to go. Cassidy did not place third and was, understandably, upset. Chris spoke to her daughter:
“Cassidy, you know how we always recognize how God has blessed you so much throughout your life? You know when it’s been really bad for you, and then something amazing happens and we are SO grateful God helped you?”
“Yeah.” (Through tears)
“This girl who came in third instead of you? I believe in the deepest parts of my heart, that God knew she needed the blessing more than you today. We don’t know what is going on in her life. Perhaps she is being bullied or has family problems? Whatever it is, God knew you would be okay- because you have had such a great year. She needed this blessing more than you… THAT’S why God stopped you. You are SO blessed with love and your health and your family. God knew you would be sad, but He also knew you would understand. Maybe we can find it in our hearts to be grateful God blessed her… instead of you.”
Hmm…that’s a pretty tall order for any person. Chris’ story continues, telling of how at dinner that evening, as the family counted their blessings of the day, Cassidy added hers…“That I didn’t come in third place today.”
Chris expressed her own astonishment that her child could see that event as a blessing – that she was able to reach beyond her personal disappointment, embrace the “failure” and see it as a sacrifice that allowed for blessing of another person.
Wow.
What I loved about Chris’ story was how she beautifully guided her daughter to a realization that perhaps she didn’t finish the race and win because somebody else needed it more that day. Perhaps God did not bless her at that particular moment because someone else needed to be blessed by Him more immediately. What touched me deeply was that this young child later that same day was able to recognize the truth in what Chris told her and see her loss as a blessing for someone else. It is amazing when a child so young could take in a truth so deep. Adults have enough trouble with these things –or maybe our problem is that we are too far removed from the open-mindedness of a child. Think about it –it is far from easy to recognize our own struggles and disappointments as somehow redemptive for ourselves, never mind anyone else. If such a young girl could “get it,” I thought, then certainly so could I.
Our little family has had our share of struggle over the last year and a half. The Hub’s unexpected unemployment and difficulty finding a new position in a highly-competitive field where jobs are scarce to begin with right now. His decision to make a complete career change, return to school, and start all over. The need for me to fill the role of primary breadwinner and benefits-carrier for the three of us – and doing so at the place that once employed my husband. Talk about a slap in the face, right? There are about a hundred more sub-challenges that go with the major plotline here, but the purpose of this is not to enumerate all of that. The point is – at least I think it was when I read Chris’ story – that maybe we aren’t quite as bad off as we might believe at times.
At the time I first read it, I was struck by Chris’ words and her daughter’s actions in a very positive way and was inspired to reflect upon that and post my thoughts. But each time I sat at the computer, I stared at the screen wondering what it was, exactly, that I had felt so compelled to write. I kept walking away from it, unsure of my purpose. I have really struggled with this for several weeks now – back and forth over what it was that I was trying to say. Why couldn’t I get what I was feeling after reading it to come out in words? If was so positively struck by it initially, how could it make me feel so uncertain on another day?
Well, maybe that was just it. Each day is different. What we perceive as uplifting and light on one day may be just the thing that brings us down and darkens our soul on another. Thoreau said it best:
“Nature always wears the colors of the spirit. To a man laboring under calamity, the heat of his own fire hath sadness in it. Then there is a kind of contempt of the landscape felt by him who has just lost by death a dear friend. The sky is less grand as it shuts down over less worth in the population.”
I believe it is true. Not only physical Nature, but every part world around us reflects the colors of our individual spirit. It is so much easier to see the world as a bright and happy place when things are going well. But on days when we struggle… are tired, sick, stressed…then it is indeed sometimes difficult to maintain that positive perspective from which to view the world, view others, and view the events of our lives.
So maybe I was just in a really good place that day. Maybe I was open and receptive to whatever it was that God wanted me to know and He sent it my way via Chris and her blog. Maybe He had been whispering it to me for days or weeks before that and I just wasn’t listening closely enough. But in the weeks that followed, I found myself alternating between believing so firmly in that message and daring to ask when is it our turn? Why aren’t we the ones being blessed now? Haven’t we had enough disappointment already? As painful as it is to admit, there have been days where I just want to (and maybe sometimes do) glare at the sky, shake my fist at God and say “Well??? When is it enough???”
And just that quickly, I’m embarrassed by my feelings of frustration and saddened by my own impatience and immaturity. Surely I’ve been taught better than to demand an answer of God on my terms and my timetable. Surely I know that there are indeed people in worse situations than ours – people who have two parents without jobs, without a roof over their head and food in the pantry, and without family to help and support through the storm. How dare I demand of Him or refuse to accept His answer? Because I know and truly believe that sometimes the answer to our prayer is “no.” It’s no different than parenting, right? We don’t say yes to our children every time they ask and certainly not when we know what they want is not in their best interest. And so on other days I am comforted by those thoughts. I solace myself with the belief that this is all part of a plan – of His Plan – and that this will indeed end up being the best possible thing for all of us. Somehow. Right around the time I read Chris’ series I also saw something Josie Two Shoes wrote over on her blog, Two Shoes in Texas. She said, “Life works that way sometimes, you don’t get what you want, but you end up with something much better in the long run. It is a time of waiting and watching, but hope is restored…”
I want to hold fast to that hope. I want to call myself a woman of faith, but I feel so often that I fall short. If I were doing this right, wouldn’t I be waiting patiently and faithfully instead of tripping and stumbling all over the place every day? Wouldn’t this be easier to handle if my faith were stronger? So I’ve also spent my time over these many months trying to decide whether my faith is strong enough, whether I’m praying enough or in the right way, whether I’m being mature enough about all of this. Too many days I come up with the answer that I’m doing it all wrong. Other days I remember that God loves us and cares for us and even carries us when we most need it – even when we don’t particularly deserve it. Again, just like parenting. When Kidzilla has a rough day, we talk with her and try to figure out what we can all do to help her have a better day tomorrow. I suppose that’s all any of us can do. It’s what I will keep trying to do. But I stumble. A lot.
The truth is that it’s not always our day to win. I think my Grandfather must have said that to me at least once or twice – “Today was not your day to win.” Sometimes today is our day to struggle. But maybe we need to lose a few times before it is our day to win. Emily Dickinson reflects on the idea in her poem, “Success is Counted Sweetest” telling us that only those who have known defeat can appreciate the sweet taste of victory. In describing the founding of Jamestown, John Smith tells us that “every thing of worth is found full of difficulties.” As Claree Belcher says in the film Steel Magnolias, “That which does not kill us makes us stronger.” There simply is no Resurrection without the Cross. The message is clear – life is full of struggle. It is part of what makes us human. Isn’t it the human part of Christ that struggled as He did in different ways?
I struggle and stumble and fall far more than I carry myself with grace, I think. But so far, I keep getting up and going at least. We all do. And here and there along the way, there is a conversation with a friend, a story on a blog, or a hug from my Daughter that keeps me going. It’s kind of like playing a game with a balloon. You try to keep the balloon from touching the ground and so you blow a little burst of air under it or tap it with your hand or your foot or whatever part you can reach with to give it that little boost and keep it from touching the ground for just a few moments more. And if you do that long enough and practice hard enough, eventually it’s your day to win.
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What a deeply personal and powerful post. I get it. Last year I was in the depths of what you are feeling right now. Life can be so hard at times. Almost totally unbearable. When’s the good stuff going to happen? I asked that so many times. Yes, there are blessings all around us even throughout the bad stuff. It is hard to see those blessings when the “bad” stuff envelops the larger parts of our lives, be it security, health, finances, etc. Last year I was at a point where I pretty much gave up on everything I believed spiritually about life and purpose. I’m sorry it has been so hard for you, lately. Something I noticed when I was in my depths of despair is that a lot of people were going through struggles just as I was. It may not have been the same situation, but whether it was mental or physical pain or fear or other challenges, we all hurt the same and are confused by these bumps in the road. I like the phrase, “It’s not your day to win.” It gives us hope that there is a day to win, when everything seems hopeless. We just have to recognize it and strive for it and not give up. And recognize those blessings that seem to fade into the background during our struggle. Focusing on the good brings more into our lives. You guys are going to be all right. I hope and pray that your “day to win” comes soon with great joys and abundance. Take care, Lisa.
You know, I think you hit it right on the head, Heather – more people than we realize are struggling with something in life at any given time. Many people struggle with the same things we do or something similar enough to allow us to be empathetic with one another. I remember vividly my Grandfather using those words – and I really believe his point was for us to realize that we don’t always get what we want or when we want it. We can choose to be miserable about it or choose to face it and find a way to handle it and move forward. Bumps in the road are still part of the journey. And I do think it’s about keeping on and not giving up. There are days when it is difficult, absolutely. But I think that’s why I like doing things like the Thankful list and I love the short lists you put at the end of your posts – just whatever we can do to find the positive and focus on the good. We will be fine and I really do believe in my heart that whenever and however that turns out to be true, it’s going to be great. Thanks for your thoughts. 🙂
Lisa, this is something I struggle with daily. Someone once told me that if I am ok in the present, there is no reason to be anxious or upset. Whether or not there is a reason is irrelevant. Does there need to be a reason? Sometimes it just is. The choice we have is acceptance.
This past week, I have not been in a place of acceptance and felt myself slipping into a funk. Thanks for the post and the reminder that things don’t always go as I would like. M
Mim, I love what you said – and it made me think of the words I heard in church this Sunday. “Do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.” (Matthew 6:34) Of course I’ve heard it before, but it sure did fit well when I heard it the other day. I know I need to do that more – stop worrying about tomorrow and focus on today. And focus on the OK in the present, like you said. We are OK. We have our home, we have food, we have help and support from family. But there are many days where it’s difficult to remember that, even though it’s right there in front of me. Acceptance is difficult – whether it’s about serious life struggles or accepting that I will very likely never wear a size 6. 🙂 And I know much of my issue with things is all about me not being able to control it. I need to lighten up on that way more than I do – so the reminder is very much for me.
These words from Mathew are the very words I spoke to my husband when he came home jobless after 21 yrs at the same stinking firm. Love that section…when it talks about how God cares for the sparrows and aren’t we certainly worth more to him than the sparrows.
I love how personal and thoughtful your words are in this piece. I love how moved people are in their responses. We need not all see things in the same way. Our faith absolutely should be a personal experience. What an honor it is to catch glimpses of so many people’s faith in all that has been written here. Your words made people think about what they believe and feel. That is amazingly special.
Thanks, May. Let go after 21 years with a firm? Even more insulting than the Hub’s ten. Honestly. That sort of thing makes you wonder what is wrong with people – really. But it is what it is. Reminds me of a line from a movie, The Secret of My Success with Michael J. Fox and Helen Hunt: “Love is love…but business is business.” Frustrating, really.
So sorry that happened to your husband and your family. Stinks, doesn’t it? We are choosing – trying – to see the good in it and trust that it is for a purpose. My instinct tells me it is. My brain has a really hard time with it.
You are right – this certainly has sparked a debate! I had no clue it would be such a thing when it was really just me working out some thoughts. But a spirited debate is a fine thing to have come from it.
I disagree with lots of points on this.
I don’t think God makes us lose on purpose to teach us a lesson, in the same way that you don’t intentionally set KidZilla up to fail so that she can learn about disappointment. That would be cruel and controlling, and above all I have to believe (somehow) that God is more about unending Love and Free Will, and positive parenting.
Something in me baulks to even consider that there would be divine intervention to break a young girl’s heart after she’d tried so hard, because another kid somehow deserved it more.
BUT. I do believe that shit happens. It’s part of living in a broken world. I believe that kids lose swim meets and men lose their jobs and women lose babies and people sicken and their minds depart reality and it’s all just a MESS, and I believe that God allows these things. And yes, we can learn from them, but I don’t think that’s their point.
Because they’re part of our world. Part of the utter shattering of this world and its separation from purity and truth and love, and part of the confusion of living, and part of making the playing-field in which we have to choose our side.
And there’s a side trying to trip us and cause us to hate the light and believe it is to blame. And there’s a side which has broken the darkness and waits patiently for us to choose it…
And there is no ‘one day you win’, or ‘one day the answer will be “yes”‘, because for so many people, in spite of it not killing them, the answer is NEVER yes. Sometimes the yes comes in the next world. Bigger picture.
That’s all. No promises of win. No promises of health or happiness or jobs or live children or any children, or protection for those you love, or safety or anything. None of it is guaranteed.
But apparently our souls can be.
“My grace is sufficient for you, for my strength is made perfect in weakness”
You don’t need great faith – just faith in a great God.
Because this world is crap and all I have is weakness. And at the moment I don’t even want to think about it. I don’t want it near me. And I don’t want to choose it, because it means agreeing with the things I just wrote.
Well, I definitely don’t mean to say that God makes us lose on purpose, as you said. That would suggest seeing God as vindictive and I simply can’t make that idea set in my brain. I do think He is about unending Love. But isn’t love sometimes about letting someone stand on their own two feet? For example, of course I wouldn’t set Zilla up to fail. But if I was watching her exercise her free will (and believe me she does that!) yes I might let her make a mistake or stumble so that she might learn from it, grow from it. My Grandfather was somehow able to know that some of our choices were going to turn out poorly. There would be consequences. And we would learn from them. No, it was not cruel or controlling. He was simply far enough past such things to know how it might turn out, but let us in our youthful “wisdom” figure out what was really true.
I don’t know that I see Chris’ story as being about another girl deserving the win more – but maybe about needing it. Or maybe the point is simply that even your best effort may not necessarily make you the winner every time. It’s not reasonable to think that we will always come out on top. And I really think that the win is often about what we take away from an experience. Ben Franklin attempted, through a logical and carefully crafted plan, to achieve moral perfection. He failed. But he saw the failure as a success anyway because it allowed him to improve, to grow, to ditch some bad habits. Success and failure are all relative terms. Perspective defines them for us.
You are absolutely right that some people seem never to win and their victory is in the next world. Agreed. But I have to split hairs with you and say I think we need great faith andfaith in a great God. Faith is hard, isn’t it? Holding fast to something that is so…inexplicable, intangible, uncertain. Faith is making the choice to believe, even when it seems illogical or impossible to do so.
Lisa- this is absolutely beautiful. Painfully so… because it speaks to MY heart and quite frankly and honestly EVERY SINGLE heart out there. Who doesn’t question and wonder when is it MY TURN TO WIN? Especially when you have been hit by wave after wave of tumultuous waves over and over again!
As for Lizzi’s response- God is far from cruel. And I don’t think God would ever want harm for ANY of us. But I do believe that He will surrender and shift and maneuver things just so, for us to grow CLOSER TO HIM. That is His constant obsession. Not to deliver- but for us to know and truly accept the Deliverer. (Beth Moore)
I would allow my daughter to fall off the swing and skin her knee, if it meant that she would learn to swing strong and clear into the sky in days to come, and now she has built more trust that my supervision and love and guidance is good.
And I believe that each day is written and our books are done- and some chapters aren’t pretty or good or pure- because in the beginning evil came in. BUT- I believe that God’s first and foremost purpose and plan is His Kingdom. Because we don’t GET what that is, we cannot understand why this would be SO important to the GOD OF THE UNIVERSE. But it is the end all. This life to Him, is a tiny morsel compared to an eternity He wants to have with us.
So yes- shit happens ALL. The. Time. That. Sucks. Bad. Real. Bad.
But God knew it would… so He works around that- and sometimes the crap stays that way and God rises us through it and around it and above it- because HE knows what’s to come. We don’t.
(I love Lizzi- we have had MANY MANY awesome deliberations over this- and we do it out of total love and adoration and it is part of faith’s fellowship and challenge to rise each other up and hold each other too. And sometimes, just listen and nod and say, “I know.”)
“But it is the end all. This life to Him, is a tiny morsel compared to an eternity He wants to have with us. ”
Yes to this.
Yes to ‘allow’.
And yes to love.
Love you too <3
I think it may speak to different hearts in different ways, Chris.
You’re right – we all question. It is in our nature – our human nature – to question. I’m going total Christianity here and saying Christ himself questioned, didn’t He? The human part of Him did, anyway. In the face of great suffering, He asked God if it is possible, allow this all to come to pass without me having to drink from this cup. And for me, at least, that’s helpful. Christ was Divine andhuman and in His humanity, we can see ourselves. And at risk of sounding a lot like my dear Catholic grade school nuns, we have to remember that He suffered greatly, too.
I like what you said about God working to help draw us closer to Him. We just never do know exactly how He’s doing that, do we? A wise man I knew used to say something about allowing people just enough rope to hang themselves – meaning that he might be able to see how something was going to turn out, but was willing to allow us to figure it out on our own. And believe me, it was not cruel or unkind. It was smart. It was loving. We all experienced our figurative skinned knees and came out OK on the other side.
What you said about none of this being even close to as important as our ultimate eternity with Him is spot on. At least for me. Perhaps the point God wants us to take away from any of this is that in the end, none of it really matters and despite all of it, there is something far greater waiting for us. He knows that, which is why He can “allow” things to happen, so to speak. I know many people struggle with the question of if God is so good, then why do people die and why do disasters happen and so on. Because they do. Because life is about balance – good and evil, life and death, happiness and suffering. If it were perfect, well, then none of us would be here and we’d all be running around in Paradise already. Our human minds can’t possibly fathom what that will ultimately be like, which I think is why we get so frustrated with life down here. Because we just don’t know any better. Yet.
I’m back- because I was so thrown into Lizzi’s comment that I didn’t get to say all that I wanted to say!!! LOL
First and foremost, I love that God spoke to you through my words, and our story. LOVE THAT! And secondly, I love every single part of this post- all your precious references and the hope that our faith is enough, and we are human despite our faith and we falter and we fall and we are in a constant state of ‘his grace’ despite it all.
So many people wonder if they are doing something wrong or if their faith isn’t ‘strong enough’ etc etc etc to have endured such hardships…. who doesn’t? It’s in us- the questioning and begging for mercy. And yet, dare I say that those times when I have been at my lowest, it’s RIGHT in that place, that I later realize He was forming a deeper faith and greater strength within me. And when we rise from the rubble, we can choose to dwell on what broke our heart or dwell on who is IN our heart… I believe God wants more than anything, for us to dwell on what is IN our heart.
To find Him- ever so present in our lives- always. Right where we are- in the midst of the mess… He’s there. Building our faith one fall at a time.
With that said- I believe God is whispering to your heart His Hope, His enduring Love that will offer you enough provision to withstand this difficult season in your life. He wants you to cling to Him- only that. That seems to always be the answer I get anyway…. 😉
I could read this post ten more times and get more out of it. Seriously, Lisa- just so so powerful and touching and your precious heart lingers in the words and in your gorgeous message.
So beautifully done, my friend. I feel blessed having read it. Over and over again…
You’re funny.
Yup, I definitely believe God spoke through you. I think He spoke to me at the drugstore this afternoon, too, when I was being an impatient b***h about the fact that I couldn’t remember my debit card pin number and didn’t want to undo my transaction and let the cashier ring up the next customer while I called home for the info. So I sighed to show my displeasure and he voided my transaction and took the next person. Then I got my pin and we started again. Turns out the clerk had printed my bonus coupons from the voided sale anyway and that left me with a flat $5.00 off coupon which paid for what I was there for in the first place. OK, God, got it – you’re trying to teach me patience. It all fits with this whole thing, doesn’t it?
When I think about what you say here about falling along the way, I can’t help but think (maybe because Lent is just beginning) that Christ fell along the way to His crucifixion…but kept getting up. It seems too simple to be profound, but it’s there. At least that’s how I see it. And I do know that He is with us always, even when it feels otherwise – one of my favorite poems is “Footprints” and that’s precisely why.
Thanks…over and over again…for your lovely words.
It is late, and I am heading to bed so this is just a line. I’m coming back to write more another time.
I see more similarities here (and who’s surprised at this point?) but some differences too.
I really appreciate your forthrightness and thoughtfulness in this post. A wonderful read.
Thanks. This one was big for me. I am a very private person and putting this “out there” was huge.
I’m back. I read Lizzi’s comment and bits and pieces of Chris’.
I remember that story of her daughter. Brought me to tears more than once. An amazing story. And her words (the words you quoted) stuck with me, but for a different reason. I just can’t believe God intervenes in our lives in that kind of detail. BUT, I am no great woman of faith. I have little faith, in fact. But I wanted to say that, to say I agree with Lizzi about God’s hand in all this. If he (or she or whoever) is there, I believe he created us and the world, but he plays more of a role of omnipresent watcher than playing us like pawns in a game depending on our needs. That is not to say I think you or Chris should think differently. I think you should think what brings you comfort. But if it doesn’t?
Here are your lines that really stuck out to me:
Why aren’t we the ones being blessed now? Haven’t we had enough disappointment already? As painful as it is to admit, there have been days where I just want to (and maybe sometimes do) glare at the sky, shake my fist at God and say “Well??? When is it enough???”
I have felt this so strongly. And I like your Grandfather’s line. Why do the days we lose seem to come in a huge mess and make the days we win so scarce? We’ve had tough family times (due to employment), as well, and I have thought these exact thoughts. When I read that, I wanted to hug with you, cry with you, and just say, “I know, I know, I know.” And to have a child with a disability thrown into the mix? When do we get to win?
I’ve read your blog for how long now? I don’t know. Several months. And this I know: your moments of grace are abundant. They shine through in your blog in the way you praise your husband and in the way you describe your interactions with your daughter. You’ve got grace, girl!
I don’t believe in an omnipresent watcher, my dear.
I believe in an intimately involved deity who BAFFLES with his (her?) ability to stand back and let his creation suffer so badly.
I couldn’t do it. Not for all the tea in China. I’m a fixer.
(and Chris, if you make it back over, yeah, yeah – ultimate fix, redemption, resurrection, EndTimes, whatever…I still couldn’t sit back (*I KNOW!*))
Lizzi, I think that’s why any of us hit those periods of question, doubt, frustration, whatever – because we want to somehow be in control and, like you said, “fix” things to be the way we’d like them for us or for those around us. But we can’t have that control – we don’t have that control. And that bothers some of us. It is the most difficult thing in the world to let go of that. I’m with you on that. It’s hard to remember to accept that it’s His will, not mywill. Very very hard.
Definitely did not mean to speak with you, Lizzi. We both disagreed but not necessarily for the same reason. Thanks for posting such a thoughtful post, Lisa. It’s generated such a wonderful discussion!
It certainly has!
See, I don’t think God is simply a watcher. I do believe He is active and present to us in many ways. But I definitely don’t see it as playing with us like pawns – that suggests something very different than I can wrap my brain around. I do think God allows us to exercise our free will – even when He knows we’re going to mess up or stumble or whatever. He allows it even when it hurts Him or others. Because He gave us that free will in the first place – with great gifts come great responsibilities and so it’s kind of up to use to choose how we’re going to exercise that responsibility. Kind of like watching your kids make a choice you wouldn’t…but knowing that no matter how much you might disagree or even tell them you wish they would choose otherwise, ultimately they will choose for themselves and you simply have to let them. (Yeah, that part scares the hell out me, by the way.)
To answer your question – if I may be so bold as to try – I think the losses seem to come in great number and the victories seem so few and far between because we are sort of conditioned to expect the victories to be huge. We forget that the little things are a victory. Like a day of no timeouts in school. Like a week where nobody forgets their lunch – and in this house, that’s MAJOR. It’s easy to see the lack of job as huge and insurmountable; it’s much more difficult to look from another perspective and say OK, I may not have that job, but we are all healthy and we haven’t been unable to meet the mortgage payments. Perspective. It’s about what we choose to see.
I thank you for your kind words – moments of grace. Thank you. I do know that I am blessed far more than I suffer. But I am OK admitting that I don’t always remember that.
Now. Totally unrelated…can I tell you, please, that your phrase, moments of grace, has jogged some lines from way in the back of my memory which will now lodge in my brain for days. The poem is Yeats’ “When You Are Old.” The lines…
How many loved your moments of glad grace…but one man loved the pilgrim soul in you…
Ah, good stuff. Now I have to go pull ol’ W.B. off the shelf. 🙂
Ultimately, the God idea that most appeals is “a force for Good” or the impetus behind our good decisions, but I don’t think he does much decision-making about our daily lives. But I admit my whole idea is rather nebulous, and I don’t mind it staying that way.
I’ve loved this discussion. You should start this kind of thing more often! 🙂
Also, share away with those quotes. I know some and don’t know others, but enjoy them all.
(BTW, my dad’s doctoral dissertation was on the transcendentalists so i grew us with an early Thoreau influence.)
I completely did not intend to start anything – mostly just had some thoughts that needed to get out.
I am definitely a quote-head. So many words just swirl around in my brain all the time. The great consequence of being a lifelong reader!
I love that your dad did his dissertation on the Transcendentalists! They are some of my absolute favorites – Thoreau and Emerson among the top for me. It’s a toss-up who I love more. Depends on the day, I guess.
You are a brave, strong woman. I admire your faith and dedication to your family.
Good things will come your way because you deserve them, whether you want to call it God’s doing, Karma or just because you made it possible.
Thanks, Tinne. I hope that I am. I strive to be. I don’t always get it right, but I keep working at it! I do believe good things will come. I would just like them come a little faster. 🙂
Lisa, this is a beautiful piece you have written. I have had a lot of the same arguments with myself over being in a very similar situation. When my husband is depressed over the crappy, low paying job he got after 9 months of unemployment due to lay offs, I have to be the cheerleader. And I get tired of that role. And I keep wondering, “When is it going to be our turn?” just like you. I don’t have anything eloquent to add like Lizzi and Chris. Just know that I understand. And that I think you did a lovely job telling your story.
Thank you, Dyanne. It’s really just what has been in my heart and on my mind. Thanks for your understanding – honestly, it helps to know that we are not alone. I mean, truly, I know that we aren’t, but it’s nice to hear somebody say “yup, I totally get it.” I keep trying to figure out how my Husband ends up being the cheerleader more often than not when he’s the one who completely deserves to feel lousy and be the one needing the cheers. He’s usually the more cynical of the two of us – I have no idea how this little switch happened. I guess it’s evidence that we are really a team and, as my Grandfather used to say, “only one of us is allowed be crazy at a time.” That seems to be working and it all balances out in the end.
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Lisa, I loved this. I love that you are so honest and open about your struggles and stumbling blocks, the fact that you can shake your fist at the sky and ask God when it’s your turn to win.
I love your Grandfather’s quote, too.
I think all this stumbling and one step forward/two steps back helps us grow closer to God, helps us form a stronger relationship with him. After all, to fully surrender to his will we must trust him to show us the blessing in every situation. What Chris’ daughter knew early on is what we know on “good days” and what is shadowed on not so good days – that just because we aren’t feeling blessed doesn’t mean that we aren’t being blessed. What a wonderful post. Thank you for sharing!
Thanks, Andrea. It was a tough one – being honest about that sort of thing is hard to admit. I do think the stumbling along the way ultimately brings us closer – I think that’s what it’s doing for me, anyway. And I always try to remember that even Christ stumbled and struggled along His way here on earth. If He did, who are we not to? Chris’ daughter is a wise young lady to see such things at such a young age – kids always amaze me when they are able to perceive what we don’t. And the way you worded that is perfect. That is definitely a way to think about it. Thanks for your thoughts. 🙂