The Spirit of Christmas
Saturday was the feast of St. Nicholas.
My Daughter woke to find her shoes filled with clementines and chocolate truffles with pretty wrapping and of course she was delighted. When else does a child get a treat for not putting away their shoes at night? She positively floated to our room that morning,
I am sometimes bothered by all the excitement over getting something that is pervasive at this time of year. Who could blame a kid, really? It is fun to receive presents and children are still so egocentric at this stage of development. It’s asking a lot to suggest that a six year old put the idea of giving to others before the prospect of what might show up under the tree. But her excitement about the St. Nicholas treats was truly more about the magic of it all than the actual stuff.
In fact, just the night before we had talked at great length about the importance of giving. Zilla’s school offers a holiday shoppe for the children to purchase items for parents, grandparents, siblings, etc. Zilla went in armed with an envelope of cash and a list of people for whom she wanted to shop. She was probably over-prepared because the Hub and I knew that her very big heart was likely to exceed her budget. When I picked her up at the end of the day, she was so excited to share the details of her shopping trip.
“Mom!” She shouted as she leapt over a puddle and dodged people to get to me in the pickup area. “I got some really cool stuff for everybody!”
In the car on the way home, she described the items she selected for the people on her list and I have to admit I was a bit confused about the logic behind them. But she was excited and I wanted her gifts to be all her own, so I passed no judgment. As the evening wore on, however, it became pretty clear that the motivation behind the gift choices was not entirely focused on the recipients.
When we went up to get ready for bed, I found that she had opened the packages in order to play with the items inside. I got upset. Angry, even. I lost my cool about the whole thing and we argued heartily about generosity and selfishness and how none of this was OK.
But then I remembered that she’s six and I’m supposed to be the grown-up in all of this. Was I really expecting a six year old to walk into a room full of gift items, an envelope full of cash, and no direct guidance from me regarding how to select gifts for others? Even my persistent stubborn side had to concede that it was a pretty ridiculous expectation.
And so I calmed down. I apologized for flying off the handle. We snuggled up on her bed to talk and to read. I asked her whether she made her choices because she thought the people on her list would really like them or because she really liked them for herself.
“Ish,” she said. “A little of both.”
And so we talked about why that was completely understandable. We talked about how people might feel when they open a gift that is so perfect for them. We talked about how to think about the person and their likes and dislikes and hobbies when selecting gifts. We played out some examples. I saw the flicker of understanding in her eyes as she thought of more and more ways to make the people she loves happy by choosing things with their interests in mind. She got it. My Girl is smart. Sometimes I just expect her to be wise beyond her years because of that fact.
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We finished our talk and reached for the bedtime book. Zilla selected a book about the legend of St. Nicholas – perfect. The legend was wrapped in the tale of a young boy who was much more interested in what he could buy for himself with his shopping money than for selecting just the right gifts for his younger siblings. He hears a department store Santa telling young children the tale of a boy named Nick who learned to give to his friends and the poor by secretly granting their wishes. By the end of the story, our main character understands better what the spirit of giving is about. And so the points of our discussion were reinforced.
How perfect that this was the book she pulled from the shelf. I was grateful for the coincidence – or perhaps to my Grandparents for their guidance as I’m certain they sometimes have a hand in matters such as these, even though they have passed from this life. Or maybe I was grateful to God or St. Nicholas himself for the intervention.
Whatever the reason, it worked. As we snuggled together and whispered good nights, I felt much betterabout the whole thing. We had both calmed down. She was reassured that she hadn’t done anything wrong. I was reminded that she is still just learning these things – things that many adults don’t get quite right. I thought of the line from the song – “all is calm, all is bright.” In those calm and sleepy bedtime moments there was peace between and around us. Her heart is and so brightly filled with excitement about the magic of Christmas. She will be just fine.
And as she drifted off to sleep in my arms that night, I knew for certain that the Spirit of Christmas is most certainly alive and well.
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Note: The book we read is The Legend of St. Nicholas: A Story of Christmas Giving
by Dandi Daley Mackall.
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THIS POST. MAGNIFICENT.
Thanks, Essie. The whole thing was magnificent.
I would have done the same think initially. I like how you ended up handling that. I’m going to have to get that book! Thanks for sharing!
It’s a great book, CM – I’ll send you the info. Thanks for visiting!
Such a REAL post about a real mom and a real kid. Ones with total human emotions. And I so love happy endings. Sometimes six year olds can be wiser than adults and we can learn lots from them. Sometimes it is hard to remember they are only six. (I taught Kindergarten for many years). My daughter’s boyfriend celebrates St. Nicholas Day (his name is Nick) with delicious pastries which he brought over to share.
We definitely have real and very human emotions here, Val. Kidzilla is a wonderful little girl but we are far from perfect and we do normal very well! 😀
I am always amazed, however, at how much and how often she teaches me.
Now, about those St. Nicholas pastries…I didn’t even know that was a thing, but I’m sure going to look it up!
Beautiful, Lisa. I understand that flying off the handle and then apologizing. I feel like I do that with the kids, but at least that’s a step forward. I don’t remember my parents ever apologizing for overreacting.
I think you’re right that Z is right on target. It’s hard to think of others when in a toy store and in possession of bunch of cash. What a wonderful teachable moment you happened upon–and made the most of!
Thanks, Sarah. I think we just want our kids to be “good,” you know? So when they do something that seems not-so-good, it’s easy to quickly take them to task. I’m glad for the moment we ended up with.
I loved this whole story, Lisa, looking back from the perspective of many years, I can see how many times I expected more of my children than was fair or than they clearly understood, and yet I was far from perfect in the choices I made in my own life. Still, they survived and turned out to be awesome adults, and I suspect Zilla will too, because she knows how much she is loved, and because you talk to her about these things, you learn from each other. I loved the book she chose to read, telling you that she got the message! Thank you for sharing such sweet memories of children growing up with us at Two Shoes Tuesday, it made me very nostalgic for years long gone by. XOXO
What I learn about parenting more and more every day, Josie, is that by the time you figure out how to actually do something sort of right…the child is no longer one. An imperfect system at best! That Zilla knows how very much she is loved is my one and only wish. Parents mess up. I’m sure there must have been something in my childhood that might quality, but I’d be hard pressed to tell you anything specific. But I do remember always knowing I was loved and cared for. The rest seems irrelevant, really.
I think that giving presents you would want yourself are the best ones. Hopefully the recipient will see the care made in the choice! As children learn from us we too learn from them.
I think that is often true, too, Old Egg. And the people in question here are close loved ones – they will completely love anything Zilla gives. All turns out right in the end.
I saw a little of what the daughter her was practicing. Our five-year-old came home with ‘store’ things they bought at school. Supposedly they were buying presents for siblings and parents. Somehow KP’s things were for herself.
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I think that’s a very hard thing for young children to do – especially at these school “shops” where they are basically on their own, without guidance. A good idea in theory, but perhaps more difficult to navigate for ones so young.
Thank you for sharing this story. It is a great lesson in the art of giving.
Thanks for visiting, Romi! It was a good lesson for us both.
You did a good job, mom. Loved this story!
Thanks. These moments are tough, aren’t they?
Aw LISA! LOVE love love this story. You. Kidzilla. <3
A good lesson for everybody, a calm goodnight and a wonderful bedtime story to confirm the lesson. Tucker keeps telling me that I can ask for these "girl" toys he sees on tv. He's not there either 😉
I love it! I see girl toys I’d like sometimes…do you think we should try??? 😀
I have a box from Amazon in my room with all the presents I ordered inside. When C asked what was in there I told him, “presents.” He immediately climbed all over the box and said we needed to open them.
I had to explain that not all of the presents were for him. Of course, he’s three so he doesn’t completely understand…
I remember finding presents in my Mom’s room one year. When I asked about them, I think she told me something similar. I was probably about early grade school then. I must have forgotten about it until Christmas because it never occurred to me to put the two together.
Beautiful post, and so important. It sounds like a learning moment for Zilla and you, as well. Life is that way, as is love. Hug.
True enough!
I have mad respect for you as a mom after reading this, because you apologized to your daughter for flying off the handle. In doing so, you showed her that EVERYONE messes up sometimes and she doesn’t need to carry it around with her when she makes a mistake, like the presents she chose. It sounds like the whole situation turned out to be a perfect lesson and that book couldn’t have been better for it! I hope you and Kidzilla enjoy a wonderful holiday season together.
Jen
Thanks, Jen. I think it’s only right, you know? Like you said, she learns that people make mistakes, but also that it’s important to apologize and admit when you are wrong. It really did turn out well in the end – the book choice could not have been more perfect.
Happy Holidays to all of you, too!
Sometimes the best gift we give is an apology and the best gift we get understanding. Sounds like mother and child each got some of both.
I often think the best gifts in life are the lessons we learn, Patricia. My Daughter teaches me every single day.
Beautifully put. I love that you read the Legend of St. Nicholas. How perfect is that? This post is getting me excited for when I get to do that with my future kid. I know it will be a few years before he can talk, but I’ll have some of these moments to cherish.
I think you’re ability to apologize shows great maturity. It’s a good example to show – that’s really cool. I know too many people who probably wouldn’t have apologized like that so it’s great to see that you’ll take the high road.
The best part, Steve, is that I had nothing to do with the book selection. Kidzilla grabbed that all on her own – I was kind of floored that it turned out to be that one. I could never have imagined how much fun and how wonderful these moments are. You have much to look forward to!
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