TToT – Wants, Needs, and Practicality
It is not always possible to do or get what you want.
Sure, that would be nice, wouldn’t it? To be able to do exactly what you want to do when you want to do it? To be able to have anything you want right when you desire it? Sounds awesome, doesn’t it? Maybe.
But then again perhaps having everything on demand isn’t the best scenario. Maybe it’s true that the best things come to those who wait.
I once dated a guy I thought I needed to marry. I was so young, so ignorant. I didn’t marry him and I think for so many reasons, that was a very good choice. I do remember being devastated at the time; I was certain I would never find the right person, never get married. But eventually – most definitely when I least expected it – I met the man who is now my Husband and he was so very worth the wait. Yes, yes, he drives me insane on a daily basis. But I wouldn’t want it any other way. I know in my heart that my past romantic involvements would have ended disastrously; I know in my heart that this one will not.
And along that vein, I can’t imagine anyone else being exactly the right father for our daughter. I never imagined that would become a mother for the first time at 38. And I never imagined that we would only have one child. But life has a funny way of making plans for you, despite what you might think is the way to go. As it turns out, I can’t imagine parenthood at any other stage of my life. Being an “older” parent has been the perfect scenario. I will never claim to have all the answers or suggest that this is the “right” way to do things, but it’s been the right answer for this family. I am grateful to have spent my 20s and 30s doing all the things people tend to do then. I had fun, did lots of things (some good, some kind of stupid), got my education, changed careers a couple of times. She came into our lives at precisely the right moment and I believe that, too, is for a purpose.
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So every now and then when I get to wondering if having what I want when I want it is the best thing.
I would like to have had a few opportunities as a newly-self-employed person take off immediately. But if they had, would I have found some of the ones I’m discovering just now? Ones that seem to fit me so much better? Would I have opted for some past relationships to fizzle and fade away? No, perhaps not. But in retrospect, I can see the distinct benefit to having moved on separately. I can go on and on here…but I think you probably get the picture.
Our immediate wants are not always our best-suited needs.
Maybe we need to wait for things in order to appreciate them more. Maybe we need to have opportunities and people pass us by in order to find our way to something that will be even better and – even better yet – prove to be opportunities and people that will help us to become more of the best self we can and to help us work toward realizing our full potential, rather than holding us back.
So that’s where I am today. As much as there are parts of my life that I would like to see changed, improved, and resolved in some manner other than what exists at this moment, I am also grateful to feel a distinct sense of peace and calm. At least for the moment – because if we’re being honest and realistic here, anyone who knows me understands that the inevitable anxiety about how things “should” be going will rear its ugly head. I’d like to think that happens less often and that I wrestle it back into submission more effectively than once was true.
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Some final thoughts of thankfulness for the week, considering the ideas of wants, needs, and practicality…
I’ve been looking to update my blog in many ways – content, look, function, and all the rest. While I still have a long way to go, I’m at least starting to work on it. Feeling very motivated (and perhaps a bit overzealous), I signed up for some online courses to accomplish those goals. I quickly realized that right now, as a larger amount of paid work came in, is not the ideal time to plod through those and so I restructured my schedule and postponed for another day (and yes, I actually signed up and committed to it).
I’m glad to have finished a freelance contract this week. At the same time, when I finish a contract, there’s that short period of panic while wondering if the work will meet the client’s expectations (I’m overly self-critical) and waiting for the paycheck to come through.
I’m establishing boundaries and remembering to say “no” when I have to. And I’m trying to remember not to feel guilty when I do.
I’m thankful for some sweet and special time with Kidzilla. Even working from home, it is a challenge to balance the demands of work and home life. I think sometimes it is more difficult to maintain that balance when working. Perhaps I would have liked our time together this week to have unfolded differently, but in the end it was no less than perfect.
I’m thankful for my Husband – for his unwavering support of my goals, for his willingness to take over parenting and household duties when necessary (and even when not necessary). I am thankful for his uncanny ability to not see something that needs to be picked up, put away, or repaired for days (or weeks, or months) at a time, but also for the great job he does when he finally does get it done. I am thankful for his unbelievably poor sense of comedic timing that somehow still manages to make me and Zilla laugh. And for his coffee…always his coffee.
I am blessed in many ways. And so very thankful.
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Your turn: So what do you think about wants, needs, and getting what we desire?
How do you feel about waiting until the moment is right for something? And how do we ever know?
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FRIST!
I immediately thought of the song “Unanswered Prayers” by Garth Brooks when I read this post. What we want and what we get are not always the same thing, but even if it doesn’t seem like it at the time, we seem to get what we need. We may not LIKE it, but we get it.
Miss you!
Mmm…yes, that song, too. Definitely appropriate (and a great song).
I miss you too, woman!
I thought the same thing. Great lesson.
That one definitely fits here, too, Diana.
I just knew your blog seemed different somehow, when I went to it today. Took me a minute to figure it out, with my computer’s voice speaking to me, how your home page seems a little different to maneuver, but think I’ve got it now.
🙂
Funny what you say about the right time for things. We had a family day yesterday and were just talking about that very subject. My sister-in-law had my niece, her first child, around the same age it seems you had your daughter. We were just discussing with her the difference in energy levels, as she can see why people have kids when they are a bit younger and have the energy for it a little more, but then she wouldn’t have had children with my brother, if she hadn’t waited for this exact right moment in time.
I, for one, am glad she waited and sounds like you are glad you waited too.
Things do have a way of working out, but I am still waiting for a lot of things, to hopefully fall into place.
Do they just fall or do they require lots and lots of maneuvering to get there? Hmm.
Glad you are making progress and moving forward with contract work and your website and all the rest.
I’m amazed that you are able to perceive the changes, Kerry. It will be an ongoing process for a bit as I work out small things here and there.
I just added some thoughts in my reply to Kristi on timing. I think your conversation with your family is very much what I’ve always believed – even if we can’t figure out why something doesn’t happen one way, sooner or later it becomes clear. As for the waiting – falling into place vs. maneuvering? I think that is a much longer discussion and probably a very interesting one, too. Toss that one into the vidchat, eh? 🙂
Love this! Timing is such an individual thing, and the ability to be patient until the time is right is a great skill to have. (And realizing that timing is individual helps one not judge another whose timing is different!)
Thank you, Kristi. Your point is wise indeed – all things in their own time, for sure. And not comparing our time to another’s? That’s so important.
I’m reminded of Thoreau’s words from the Conclusion of his Walden: “It is not important that he should mature as soon as an apple-tree or an oak. Shall he turn his spring into summer?” Just because timing is right for someone else doesn’t mean it is for us as well.
I’m glad to read this. Glad to know (reiterated, emphasised, underlined again) that it *is* possible to be patient (even when that’s not a person’s natural tendency), and that good things DO come to those who wait (though I admit that it’s not something which necessarily follows). I’m so glad you have your fab hub, and Zilla, and that things are so good between you all, in the lasting and keeping ways. That’s very reassuring.
I need to stay reassured that waiting can be worthwhile, because I have so much of it to do.
Everyone waits, for so many things. It isn’t easy to do and most often feels interminable, but I do believe it’s worth it. I think the difference between happiness and unhappiness is what we do with our time and our selves in the meantime. Like Thoreau said in some of my favorite lines from Walden,
“…I wished to live deliberately, to front only the essential facts of life, and see if I could not learn what it had to teach, and not, when I came to die, discover that I had not lived.”
Even if there are days when it feels so, I do not believe we wait in vain.
Ahhhh Thoreau again. I must, MUST find and read him! But yes, what we do with our time whilst waiting (for it will pass anyway) is important. And we lose life if we just sit, miserably, wishing it away. Might as well use it as lose it, yaknow?
I hope I’m not waiting in vain. I SO hope not.
You can get Kindle versions of Thoreau online for free. Free. And I know you have one of those e-reader thingies. 😉 I think you’d be hard-pressed NOT to find a little Thoreau here – that is how very much his work influences me. More and more every day, it seems.
Free? BOOM! 😀 😀 😀
Fah-ree.
I didn’t wait and had a disastrous first marriage. When I met my second husband, it was just right from the start. We’ve been together 8 years now and it’s still as good as it was that first year. But we both agree that if we’d met when we were younger, we wouldn’t be together today. So our timing was perfect. Thanks for sharing.
Timing really is everything, Jennifer. The Hub and I often agree that if we had met sooner, we would not have been ready for one another and very likely would not be together now.
My story is similar to Jennifer’s as far as marriage is concerned, and it’s been 31 years the second time around. (Nine months the first). Anyway, Lisa, I like the new sidebar on your blog and wish you luck in changing it just the way you want to. And kudos to you for your continued success at free lance writing. Stay warm and close to you family.
That’s a great second-time-around story, Val! I don’t think I actually knew that about you.
The sidebar is just one of many things I hope to fiddle with and get just the way I want. But thanks to the hours of work, that has to take a bit of a back seat so it will be slow going. I don’t know, maybe that’s good – like weight loss, you know? Slow and steady wins the race.
We are quite warm here. Didn’t even go out yesterday at all. Nasty weather today along with the cold. As much as I hate the back-and-forth temperatures, I’m kind of looking forward to that 50 degree high that’s forecast for tomorrow.
I loved this post. I read it on my phone last night and knew I’d have to come back this morning when I could get to the desktop before the kiddos and comment. I’m certainly not the most patient person but I do find myself in awe when things work out in ways I never could have expected. I couldn’t help but think about my current job substitute teaching in a small, private preschool and how I was so frustrated trying to jump through a million hoops and waiting on letters to substitute teach in my kids’ public school district (because that is what I was supposed to do next…) when the opportunity arrived seemingly out of nowhere. I didn’t even know I was waiting for it. I’ve also BTDT with the marriage thing but came to my senses and broke it off early while still engaged. I wouldn’t trade my single and living by myself 20s for anything!
I know that scenario, Jean – I try not to do comments on my phone because I never works! 😀
Awe is a good word, isn’t it? And I think you nailed it – we are surprised by those opportunities we didn’t even realize we were waiting for. And those are wonderful. Still all very scary!
I loved living on my own and I never thought I would – I lived on my own for 6 or 7 years in a tiny apartment that I LOVED. I wouldn’t trade that experience for anything. I sometimes tell my Husband we should get separate apartments. 😀 But then I’d have no one to warm my toes at night!
This is exactly why I believe that we are not meant to be in total control of our lives. Blessings often come from unexpected places for sure.
You’re so right, Leslie, and I think we probably do much better when we accept that it is not all up to us.
Lisa, I loved reading your thoughts on ALL of this. I’m so glad you are soaking in that peace of those great ‘on purpose’ happenings on your timeline of life, and also I SO get the anxiety rearing its ugly head! I love how you embraced this moment of clear perspective with such insight and wisdom, my friend.
YAY for blog reno, and prayers for more freelance work for you…
Well I just love YOU, Chris, and I’m so sorry I haven’t been over recently – guess you can tell why! I think I was actually a little surprised at the feeling of calm about all of it because that is not my usual MO. But those words are my focus this year – calm and control – and I’m taking that very seriously.
I’m excited about the blog changes and yes, definitely about work! xo
It took me a lot of years to learn the wisdom of letting life unfold rather than trying to force it my way. You totally have it right here, getting what we want when we want it can be a big mistake. What happens in God’s timing is totally amazing… Like Zilla and your husband! Peace comes from dealing with life as it is, not as we wish it was. In the end, it all works out! Great post!!
Make no mistake, Josie, I kick and scream and fight it a lot. You know, it’s the scene where you pray “God give me patience and I’d like it right now.” I do know that in the right time there will be great rewards. I just keep working at being OK with the right here and now and not hoping for the next thing.
Well, if all these wonderful responses to your post are a sign of a successful post, I think you struck some chords of understanding and wisdom that not only you have come to know for yourself, but we as blogger friends feel akin to also. Being able to see one’s life, what it was and what it is add immensely to our understanding of others and ourselves and our experiences. Being able to see retrospectively is important, for there the lessons lay.
I really like your thinking, Pat. It feels good to know that my words may resonate like that with someone else, not just me. Sometimes it is very difficult to see life from all angles, but it’s so necessary. Where have we been? Where are we headed? And, perhaps most importantly, where are we right now? All of it is key to figuring out who we are.
Lisa, I do like this post, and the more letting go and self-inquiry I do, the more I see it’s true that it’s not having what we want that makes us happy, but wanting what we have! Of course, like you, I can also get caught up in thinking things should be different and have felt like that a few times this week. (We’re on a family trip and there’s been a few moments when tempers have been frayed and I’ve wanted calm instead. Yet even then, I’ve realised that this gives me the perfect opportunity to let go of reacting, and to feel calmer whatever is going around me.)
It’s a process, Yvonne, definitely. I still have plenty of moments of distinct frustration, but I just keep working on that focus on what is good and what is going right. AT the moment, I have something in the works that does not make me happy, even if I’m glad for a paid opportunity. I think it motivates me more to find the things that will make me happy to do them. I’m trying to focus on the part where it’s part of a journey and not focus only on the final goal.
I think it helps.
I tend to be a control freak at times. These days, I’m learning how to let life flow and I’m so much happier. Just think of all the things I missed over the years trying to force life to go my way and all the added stress. Things do work out somehow and life is so much more amazing than I ever expected.
I agree with you, Jennifer. Trying to force life to go our way definitely doesn’t work. I’m learning to take it as it comes, too. Thanks for coming by!