Writing Workshop: Worst Meal Ever
Today, I was horrified by inspired by Kitchen Witch’s story about Shipwreck Casserole – I have never heard of such a thing. Her story immediately brought to mind some of my least favorite childhood meals. So I decided to join MamaKat’s Writing Workshop this week and play along…
The prompt: What’s for dinner Mom? Describe a meal your Mom cooked that you dreaded eating growing up.
Not a problem. In fact, I’ve got TWO. However, I cannot blame my Mom for either of these horrors. (Thanks, Mom! Seriously.)
If you’ve been here before, you already know about my archenemy, lima beans. As much as they make me cringe, there are a couple of things far worse in my memory.
Our first candidate: Creamed Chipped Beef on Toast. Yes, you may know it fondly and less politely as S*** on a Shingle. It has an interesting history…Wikipedia describes it thusly:
Chipped beef is thinly sliced or pressed salted and dried beef. Some makers smoke the dried beef for more flavor. The modern product consists of small, thin, flexible leaves of partially dried beef, generally sold compressed together in jars or flat in plastic packets. The processed meat producer Hormel once described it as “an air-dried product that is similar to bresaola, but not as tasty.”
Even Wikipedia hates Creamed Chipped Beef on Toast.
Please don’t miss the part where it talks about Creamed Chipped Beef on Toast’s career as military cuisine. I nearly fell off my chair. My Wonderful Grandfather loved this stuff and My Lovely Italian Grandmother made it lovingly for him. He was a WWII vet, so I guess it makes sense? I don’t know. I’ve had this stuff. I’ve regurgitated this stuff. I still don’t get it. I have a hard time eating food I do not understand. Its cousin, Creamed Eggs on Toast, is equally disturbing. Been there, barfed that, too.
As I write this, Fab Husband is supervising Kidzilla’s bedtime process. They are singing the Spam song from Monty Python’s Flying Circus. How apropos. (But why is He teaching Our Daughter this???)
Our second candidate: Green Beans and Ham. My Father’s Mother made this meal. I believe my StepMother made it at some point as well. My Father loved this stuff. I never liked it. I mean no offense to the cooks involved, truly. But this stuff was awful. I hate ham of every kind, so I’m kind of done by the time we get to that. I remember that my Father would eat it with ketchup on it – he LOVED ketchup. I love ketchup. Kidzilla loves ketchup. But even ketchup could not help Green Beans and Ham.
I do not know the recipe – but judging from the title, I’m guessing it’s not too hard to figure out. Curious, I just Googled that puppy. Shock and disbelief – it comes up on a whole bunch of websites! I’m going with allrecipes.com on this one, just because it came up first. Here it is…green beans, ham hocks, potatoes in a Crock Pot with garlic powder, onion powder, seasoned salt, chicken bouillon, and black pepper.
Hold me. I feel faint. Lima beans, Creamed Chipped Beef on Toast, and Green Beans and Ham all on one page. It is too much!
You can register your vote for Worst Meal Ever in the comments section. Or, please feel free to contribute your own Worst Childhood Meal Memory. I’d love to know what other horrors lurk out there…
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I am teaching her because…
1. Funniest sketch ever.
2. I aim to ensure that she does not date until she’s 35. 😉
Good luck with that…
I do not like green beans and ham. I do not like them Sam I am. For some reason my mother-in-law parades them out as if they were a grand treat. Sadness.
It’s green EGGS, woman.
In this case it is certainly green beans. But speaking of green eggs…another most hated food are hard boiled eggs when the yolk turns green. Yuck. But worst meal from my mom was a concoction of mushy blandness called Chicken Casserole. Plain, bland chicken cut in chunks (hate that word) mixed with cream of mushroom soup and covered with tater tots. I only like really cruchy, well-done tots and the soup did not allow for crunchy tots. My sisters of course loved it….it was white and bland the way they liked all food…so they asked for it constantly. Double yuck. But the worst mother-in-law meal is what i call Disgusting the Soup. She calls it Portuguese Soup. Don’t even know what it is other than smoked meat of some kind and a strange leafy texture. I have begun avoiding gatherings where this is being served because it smells like smoked vomit. Can NOT imagine what people find appealing about this one.
Bwahahaha! I can not stop laughing…those are truly awful. 😛
Meanwhile, this is why you keep me around – my hard boiled eggs do NOT have that nasty green stuff. Hate that.
No they do not and thankfully mine do not either. However I am not ambitious enough to make Deviled Eggs and yours are divine so I certainly keep you around for that. 🙂
1) S.O.S. is fine dining; I’d eat it every day if I could cook…or if I ate breakfast.
2) My mom’s green beans are delicious; however, the ham is still ham and only useful as a blunt instrument for home defense.
3) Boy, girl, or other, it has been proven that exposure to Monty Python at a young age encourages creativity, intellectual growth, and a fondness for funny walks. Okay, not really but it should.
4) On topic: Worst Meal Ever would have to be at a Chinese Buffet where I found half of a large insect in my fried rice. The offer of $5 off my next meal was politely declined. Strangely enough that buffet would be shut down by the health department 5 months after that fateful meal.
4a) Non-Insect related Worst Meal Ever would be my mom’s meatloaf. It had carrots in it…CARROTS! Truly tragic.
Great…bad food AND bugs in one post. Thanks. 🙂
Ew, ew, and more ew. So glad I managed to dodge this meal growing up!
Lucky lucky you! 🙂
This was great fun – thanks for the prompt. Looking forward to more!