Sage Advice
My Grandfather was one of the wisest men I’ve ever known.
He did not boast a wall full of advanced degrees. He was not a world traveler. He did not discover new planets or develop advanced technology.
But he was a man who gained wisdom through experience and in turn, was glad to pass on those lessons so that others might benefit.
On the day we told my Grandparents we were engaged, my Grandfather had this advice for my new fiancé:
“Son,” he said. “If you remember these three things you will have a long and happy marriage: Yes, dear. I’m sorry, dear. You were right, dear.”
My Grandmother piped in, “He’s right.”
It was all said much in jest, but it has proven to be very sage advice.
When you’re married to someone, when you live with them and do the dance of co-existence with another human being (one who is likely very different from yourself) day after day for year after year, it is very easy to forget to treat one another with the most basic human courtesies.
Shouldn’t we treat our loved ones with the same politeness and courtesy that we show perfect strangers in the morning coffee line? But I’ll admit it if you will; sometimes we simply don’t. We feel safe with those closest to us. We know they love us as we are – morning breath, bad hair days, happy pounds, personality quirks, and all. They often see us at our absolute worst, so why shouldn’t we treat them our absolute best?
While my Grandfather’s advice may have seemed a moment of levity, I think he knew very well what he was telling us. Remember to be agreeable to your spouse. Watch the movie or TV show she likes. Learn about his hobbies. You never know when you might find something new to love – together. If you hurt one another, apologize. If someone else hurts your spouse, be sorry that it happened to them and offer comfort. If you’re wrong about something and your spouse was right, admit it. And even if you weren’t, give them the benefit of the doubt; they may just know a thing or two that could benefit you both.
Marriage is a tricky business. It’s complicated at best. But oh, can it be wonderful! My Grandparents were together for nearly 70 years. I think they were onto something.
Yes, dear. I’m sorry, dear. You were right, dear.
Sage advice.
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OMG, it’s a picture!!!!! OMG!!!!!
OK, back to the post.
Yes, a picture. A picture that is nearly twelve years, quite a few pounds, and a lot of hair ago – for both of us! 😀
I agree. It’s advice typically given to the husband, but I agree with the point you’re making: both people in the relationship need to learn and use those statements. Even if you’re terribly, terribly stubborn like I am.
So I think your smile is a bit like your grandmother’s.
Well, we are TWO terribly, terribly stubborn people, so guess how much we need to use those around here?
Do you think so? I don’t know if anyone has ever told me that. But funny – as I was grabbing the pictures I kind of half thought that when I looked at one. Weird.
THIS all day long! I could not agree with you (or him) more. My husband and I have had discussions about how the most important trait in a marriage is kindness. Kindness will allow you to think of one another, empathize and hopefully to remember to treat each other well each day because the outside world is hard enough. Great post!
Thanks, Moni. It’s so easy to just come home and let it all hang out for exactly what you said – the outside world is hard! Thanks for coming by!
Wise advice, indeed!
After all, your grandparents proved their point – staying married 70 years is a proven track record.
You’re right, we should treat those we love with our absolute best behavior.
A good track record, indeed!
Your grandfather was indeed wise! Wonderful advice:).
Oh, he really was, Allie. In many ways.
This is sage advice, especially when given to the man, IMHO. My boyfriend always defers to me. It is up to me, however, not to abuse this power!
That’s a good point, Emily. One person can’t expect to always reap the benefit of those rules! Has to go both ways to be really effective.
That is such great advice. I admit I do struggle with being nice to my husband sometimes for the very reasons you state. I always try to remember the old cliche that charity begins at home. By the way, I loved the pictures!
Thanks – I had to dig deep for the photos on this one. Haven’t been taking many photos lately.
What got me thinking about this was an article I saw somewhere that said it’s perfectly normal to feel like you hate your spouse from time to time. It just struck me as so harsh, but as I read the article, it made more sense. Hate was perhaps a strong choice. I really think that any two people, living in close enough proximity, are bound to drive each other crazy more often than not!
Good advice, indeed! Especially when we realize how gender neutral it actually is!
It definitely is, Shel. So easy to chuckle at it when directed at the man, but it really is for everyone.
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Your grandfather’s advice made me laugh, but I agree the underlying sentiment is so important! Listen to your spouse and treat them with kindness…and be ready to apologize when something has upset them. It’s as easy as that!
I LOVE the old photograph of your grandparents too. What a treasure!
I love that photo, too. If I remember correctly, I think it’s around the time they got engaged. So young.
His advice was presented in jest, but that’s good teaching and parenting. Kids remember things that are funny and gross, right? Well, there you go. Smart man!
I love love it! I think your grandfather was most definitely onto something. Yes dear. Perfect advice. Truly. Also how awesome is it to see your photo here!?!?!?
He was something else. They both were. I miss them so much.
Yeah, there it is – the long-awaited photo. Pffft. Keep in mind that was nearly twelve years ago…and several pounds…and a baby…and eleven years of marriage.
I look a little different. 😀
OHMYGOD, OHMYGOD, OHMYGOD, you finally posted a picture! Hello, Gorgeous!
While your grandfather had sage advice, I think you said it best when you wrote, “They often see us at our absolute worst, so why shouldn’t we treat them our absolute best”.
LOL. I did. But please take note that it’s me eleven-plus years ago. You got that, right? Notice it was not the current version of me. 😀 I think we have to wait until my sassy haircut grows back out again because let me tell you it is anything but sassy right now. It’s just … OH! I know! It’s like in Steel Magnolias when Shelby says M’Lynn’s hair looks like a brown football helmet. Beautiful.
Thanks for that, Dyanne. I really had no clue this post would be so well-received. My Grandfather was one of the smartest men I’ve ever met. Seriously. Maybe I picked up a thing or two somewhere along the line.
Great advice, and a good reminder. It seems we give strangers and co-workers and friends our best, and our spouse gets the–well–less than the best. Thank you for the timely reminder!
Thanks, Pam. And you’re welcome!