Ten Things of Thankful AND a Monday Listicles – I Love You Edition
Every now and then, I link up with Stasha’s Monday Listicles posts. I haven’t done one in a while, but I always love reading them. When I saw this week’s lists, though, I knew that list topic was not only a great (late) Listicles post, but it would also work perfectly for a Ten Things of Thankful post as well.
I’ve been thinking a lot lately about relationships and marriage and family dynamics. Since that’s been on my mind, it makes sense to put it in words. So here’s our combined list – let’s say this week I am thankful for this collection of ten ways our family says “I love you.” Here we go…
1. We spend time together. Whether it’s all three of us, some combination of any two of us, or us plus other friends and family, the Fab Hub, Kidzilla, and I do spend plenty of time together. We cook and eat together, we read books, play games, and get out in the world to do fun things and even run errands together. We snuggle up under cozy blankets and watch movies. We do homework and take care of chores. (Although the chores part might happen much less than it should because we’re doing all the other stuff.) For all the reasons you’ve ever read about and just because we enjoy one another’s company, spending time together is a priority for us.
2. We give each other space. Every human being has times when we just want or need some space. In a house where all three of us has some inception of ADD/ADHD, that alone time is often crucial to the success of our interactions with one another. I am thankful to be part of a family where we all understand the importance of respecting that need. One of my favorite quotes has always been from Kahlil Gibran’s The Prophet. “Let there be spaces in your togetherness…stand together, yet not too near together: For the pillars of the temple stand apart, And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other’s shadow.” It is from the section “Marriage,” but I think it is applicable to relationships in general.
3. Once a month, we celebrate Lobster Day. If you know our story, you know about the Lobster thing. (If you don’t, read here.) Ever since we started not dating, which happened to be on the 29th of a particular month, we reserve the 29th of each month to do something special. It reminds us of how we started and that our relationship is still important and special. While it started as something between me and the Fab Hub, it has somehow become a real family celebration as Kidzilla has completely jumped on board and gets excited about it, too. I think it’s great for her to take an interest in her parents as a couple. Sometimes we might do something like a “date night,” and others we might do something much simpler, like just bringing out our lobster dishes (yes, we actually have them). Whatever way we choose to celebrate, we make sure we never miss one.
4. We do things for one another. Sometimes they are small gestures; other times they may be more significant. But doing things to make one another happy, or make each others’ lives easier, is just something we do. Fab Hub slips Zilla a note in her lunchbox every day. He will run up and down the stairs for me at night when my RA fatigue kicks in. I handle things like putting away clean laundry and putting cookware back in the cabinet because he hates dealing with the “booby trapped” piles of stuff. Zilla helps set the table.
5. We make decisions together. Perhaps this one fits me and the Fab Hub better than Kidzilla, but where it’s applicable to include a five year old in decision-making, we already do. Someone recently told us that they could see we make decision-making a joint effort, even in on-the spot decisions. It’s a pretty accurate observation. We really do make decisions as a team, whether as a couple or as a family. Decisions affect everyone involved and so it just makes sense. It’s also a great check-and-balance system and helps us make sure that everyone is thinking clearly about the issue at hand. Of course, there are some things that just have to be the responsibility of an individual or a decision has to be made on the spot and consulting the team isn’t an option. But because we generally keep all parties informed, we don’t have to wonder if those individual or quick decisions will work for the greater good. We already know.
6. We support and encourage one another’s interests. When I said I wanted to start writing a blog, the Fab Hub jumped on board right away and helped get me started. When he decided to start playing a fairly regular jazz gig with some friends, I told him to go for it. Now that Zilla is in school and developing her own interests and hobbies, we’ll do the same for her. One thing we know is that in order to be happy as a couple or as a family, the individual players have to be happy with themselves. Even if we don’t share the same individual interests, it’s our responsibility to one another to support the things we want to do as individuals.
7. We are willing to explore new interests together. The Fab Hub does not enjoy the Hallmark Channel or the movie Steel Magnolias. I don’t particularly care for horror flicks or sci-fi literature. Kidzilla is a social butterfly who gets excited about the family Halloween party at our church and the Fab Hub and I are perfectly happy being semi-anti-social. We could all just operate on our own, and do our own thing. But part of our responsibility to one another as a family is to learn more about one another and be willing to grow together. Being open to exploring one another’s interests and hobbies is a clear way to say we love one another and care about one another. And as a distinct benefit, we have all learned to enjoy – or at least appreciate – some new things because of each other.
8. We disagree and argue with one another. Yes, you read that correctly. We are all very different human beings with our own habits, likes and dislikes, personality quirks, and opinions. I often wonder about people who just never seem to disagree with anybody. It seems highly unlikely to me that it’s actually true. People are different; they are bound to disagree at some point. Rather than push those differences to the side or cave in just to avoid conflict, we do allow ourselves to disagree and argue and debate those differences. Do we fight all the time? No. Do we always do it well? No, not if we’re being honest. But we do make an effort to express our differences of opinion and to do it in the most productive way. Life is full of conflict – pretending it doesn’t exist doesn’t serve anyone. Respecting one another enough to listen to opposing arguments and learning how to resolve conflict are life skills that help everyone.
9. We carry each other’s baggage. Figuratively speaking, that is. Every human being comes with what the world likes to call “baggage.” We all have a past – and not all of it is glowing and positive. We all have crazy relatives. We all have friends who make sense to us but perhaps not to other people. We all have bad habits. Whatever it is, loving another human being means accepting and carrying all of that baggage that comes along with them. Even someone as young as Kidzilla has her stuff and it’s all part of who she is. Every thing we have ever done and every person we have ever known contributes to the person we have become. Every part of our personality – strength or weakness – is part of what makes us who we are. It makes no sense to say you love someone if you can’t accept it all.
10. We actually say “I love you.” Often. I have known people who grew up in families where affection was not shown either physically or verbally. Maybe that works for some, but for us that intentional declaration of affection is important. No matter how many other things in your relationship show your love, sometimes you just need that basic no-frills expression to remind you.
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lovely list… sigh!
Thanks, Zoe. 🙂
I really love how you’ve combined these two. It’s like a handy ‘How To’ manual for the marriagely bewildered! Thank you 😀 It’s awesome that you have all this lovely stuff going on, and that you’re happy to share it.
Thanks, Lizzi. The combination was a true fluke (or true laziness) – just kind of popped into my head that way, but I think it worked. You know, we do have lovely stuff…and we have not so lovely stuff, too. I think we’re as marriagely bewildered as anyone. (And I love that term, by the way – nice one!)
Ha! Well sure. It’s easy when you edit, but wonderful that you truly do have these things going on. And sometimes the best blog-mash-ups are somewhat serendipitous.
Re the image conundrum, try selecting the option to upload your own image from your computer next week, and see if it works that way. Frustrating for now, though.
That’s the way I have been doing it – and suddenly it doesn’t work. Hrm. Maybe it’s time for a new image…
Ack. Sorry it’s been a pain for you :/
Your ten things show so much love and respect for each other. It made me smile. How wonderful that you are all so supportive of each other’s interests, especially when you do not share them.
I’m so glad you mention the arguing. I know older couples that pride themselves in never having had a fight. When I hear that, I normally figure that they call it something else. You admit and embrace it. That is a healthy sign.
Thanks for being willing to share all of this.
We really do try to remember that we were (and still are) individuals before we were a couple or a family. I think people too often forget that and they become only a combination of the two of them, but lose their individuality. The individual component is what we are drawn to and loved in the first place. So what happens if it goes away? In couples that I’ve seen where the only thing they have is the “HeAndShe” component and no more “He And She” there seems to be something missing.
I find it hard to believe that any two people can live together and spend that amount of time together and nothave an argument or fight about something. It seems unrealistic. The Hub and I are both pretty saucy people. I truly don’t see us spending a lifetime without conflict over something, whether trivial or serious.
What I am grateful for, though, is that we really don’t fight over major philosophical issues like money, religion, politics, parenting. We are definitely on the same page there. But then we talked all those things through before we ever walked down the aisle together. We knew where our deal-breakers were and perhaps that helps us remember that on larger issues, we know we’re OK. The small stuff can be figured out along the way.
agree with Lizzi… not easy to do a combined list (Michelle is the other person I have seen do this successfully), but this is a great example of how to do this thing.
Liked #2 (seems so obvious when you write it there, but how often do we forget this simple fact of human life)
and #7 ….now if they would only make a movie like ‘Little Zombie House on the Prairie’ or ‘Tess of the d’Zombievilles’ all couples could agree on what to watch!
It really is important to have time alone to recharge, decompress, whatever. Humans crave connection, but we can overload on that, too.
My Husband would completely agree with you on the movies.
I am so glad that your family supports your interests! That can be so assuring and wonderful!
We really do try, Michelle. It’s very easy to just say “well, I don’t understand that” or “I am not interested in that” but we try to include one another and share what we like. Sometimes we even find new common interests. That’s a definite bonus! 🙂
What a beautiful list, Lisa! Many of these things you mention happen in our house as well. To this day, I couldn’t be more thankful to hubby to talk me into at least watching one episode of this weird sci-fi show with this doctor guy in a blue police box 😉
Have a great new week!!
Thanks, Stephanie. I’m so glad you have these kinds of moments in your house, too.
I’ve grown to like quite a few things that I would never have chosen on my own. (I truly have no idea what the doctor guy with the blue police box is, though.)
Don’t you mean… WHO that doctor guy is? (wink)
THAT you comment on?
As someone who grew up in a family where affection isn’t generally shown, I can say that I agree with you that it’s important. Not that I didn’t have a loving family, but we just didn’t really show it overtly very often. Now my wife and I do it all the time and I feel as if it makes us closer as a couple.
I completely agree. I think it’s so easy to think “well, they know how I feel” but that may not always be so.
It sounds like you have a wonderfully strong family. I enjoyed reading your list!
We think that we are. I mean, we’ve had our share of not so terrific moments over the years and we’re still standing, so something must be working! Glad to know you enjoyed the list – was a bit nervous putting this one out there.
I love this post, Lisa! I love that line about having spaces in your togetherness – so important! I couldn’t get a link to work on the Lobster Day. Is that like the Friends episode when Phoebe says Rachel is Ross’s lobster?
That’s because I didn’t link it correctly – oops! It’s OK now. Or, check it here for real –
Sweetest love story I think I have ever read! He’s your lobster! (You get HUGE kudos for the Friends reference. HUGE.)
Yup, He’s my Lobster – and tomorrow is Lobster Day!
And Friends? Only the best show ever. Ever.
You have come up with quite a wise list for the two hops this week. So much truth in all you have said. My favorite is the celebrating the 29th every month. That is a great idea. It is so important to show our kids that the relationship between their parents is strong and high on the list of priorities.
Thanks, Christine. I really enjoyed combining the two lists – it just seemed like it would work and it did! Our 29th is a great thing and I love that Kidzilla gets so excited about it. She’s really funny reminding us that we need to get out the lobster plates and other silly things. I hope she learns a lot from it!
that is a lovely list.
Thanks, Mim. We thought it was good stuff. And both easy and difficult to write all at the same time.
We really do have a lot in common. Our house is a unit of three (one just turned six) and we too make decisions as a team. I wonder if it’s sort of unique to small families. Hubbie and I definitely have our couple moments and date nights, but we do operate most of the time as a triple. Lots of food for thought here!
I thought the same thing when I read some of your blog. Kindred spirits, perhaps. 😉
SUCH a great list of thankful! Beautiful!
🙂
Thanks, Kari. Even in the midst of all of the lousy that life likes to toss in the road, there is much beauty right before us. The trick is to remember to look for it and not let the bad stuff get in the way. Not easy!
Your list is great and full of love. Warms my heart! Oh, and I think Lobster Day should be in every family! 🙂
Hi, Joy, and thanks! Today is ACTUALLY Lobster Day, too! We’re celebrating with our lobster dishes and napkins. 🙂